


Ronan Lynch: Nanny in Charge

by tinyarmedtrex



Series: Ronan is Mary Poppins Y'all [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam is an over worked dad, Blue and Gansey are good friends, Dad Adam, M/M, Nanny Ronan, Ronan can COOK, thats really all you need to know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2020-08-23 05:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20237254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyarmedtrex/pseuds/tinyarmedtrex
Summary: “Okay kiddo, can you clear your plate?” He asked as they finished another late dinner. Wyatt nodded, hopping out of the chair and getting distracted as the doorbell rang.“I got it!” Wyatt said, peeling to the door.“Wyatt it’s the next nanny-” Adam said, trying to stop him but by the time he got to the front door it was already wide open and a man in a black tank top and ripped jeans stood on the other side. “Oh, sorry, we were expecting a nanny. Are you -” Adam frowned, unable to think of a job that this man could be doing. “Why are you here?”“I’m Ronan, your nanny applicant.”Or, Adam needs a nanny. Ronan gets the job and things quickly get much more complicated than Adam expected.





	1. Chapter 1

Adam rubbed his eyes, swearing silently to himself. He had spent an hour yesterday picking everything up and now the house already looked like a disaster zone when they’d been home for five minutes. Toddler clothes were strewn across the floor and a trail of toys lead to his son. The boy was sitting on the floor, happily singing to himself, surrounded by his toys and an overturned container of cheerios, some already mashed into the carpet. 

“Buddy, you need to pick your things up, remember?” Adam was trying to keep his voice even. Raising it didn’t help, he reminded himself. It was easy to get angry but it never solved anything. He knew that from far too much experience. He had yelled at his son once and it resulted in both of them crying. Never again, he had promised himself. And he hadn’t done it again. His life consisted of a lot of counting to ten to calm himself down. So far it was working. 

His son hummed, mostly ignoring him. “Wyatt,” Adam said, his voice stern. “Come on, you need to help. You’re a big boy now remember? And daddy needs help around the house.” It was just them, only them, and Adam knew sometimes that meant that he relied on Wyatt too much but he didn’t have another option.

The boy looked at him, all doe eyes and delicate features. “Okay daddy,” he said, abandoning his doll and accepting the items that Adam was holding.

“Please put them away, don’t just throw them on the floor.” He added as he walked away, trusting his son to listen. Then Adam looked around, seeing the pile of dishes in the sink and remembering that he still needed to make dinner. He groaned again. They’d ordered out the last two nights. Soon Wyatt was going to know the take out menu better than Doctor Seuss. 

Adam drew his lips into a thin line of determination. He could handle this. Unbuttoning his work shirt he folded it on the chair, deciding to figure out dinner first and then tackle the dishes. Then he needed to read with Wyatt and clean up the house. As he listed the tasks in his head they started to seem insurmountable. He tried not to feel overwhelmed, he just needed to break them down into small tasks. He could do this. 

“Daddy? I’m hungry.” Wyatt said, peering around the corner at him. Glancing at the clock Adam realized it was already 6:30, past their normal dinner time. 

He sighed, bending down so Wyatt could run to his arms. Cooking dinner would take at least thirty minutes, probably more. By then it was nearly bedtime. “How does a pb&j sandwich with apples sound?” He asked, trying to keep his voice light. It wasn’t a perfect dinner but it was an easy win and filling. 

“PB&J! PB&J!” Wyatt chanted happily. 

“Always a winner. Here,” He put his down on the stool and gathered the ingredients. “You make us both a sandwich and I’ll cut up the apple.” 

Wyatt rolled up his sleeves, his small hands barely able to grip the jar. “Can we listen to music?”

“Of course bud. What’s dinner without music?” He said, telling their device to play Wyatt’s disney mix. Immediately, a song about a princess handling herself began and Wyatt started to dance along, singing tunelessly. Adam hummed along too, cutting up apples for both of them as Wyatt spread peanut butter then jelly on the bread, smashing the edges together. 

“Can we eat in the living room?” Wyatt asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

“Only if you eat some carrots too.” That probably violated several parenting rules, bribing a kid with vegetables but when he bobbed his head in agreement Adam decided he didn’t care. Balancing their plates and the bag of carrots they went to the living room, while Wyatt turned on his favorite movie, watching it until bedtime. 

Once Wyatt was read to and tucked in Adam turned to the rest of the house, picking up the toys, sweeping and tackling the dishes. He skipped vacuuming for fear of waking his son up but otherwise managed to get everything else done. Looking around he felt accomplished, like he was finally getting the hang of this single parenting thing. 

Then he glanced at his watch and swore. It was already 11pm and he still needed to write a brief. Any thoughts he had about how well this was going and how he could do this flew out the window as he did the mental math. The brief would take at least three hours, he needed to get Wyatt up at 6:30 to bring him to daycare and he needed to get up earlier so he could shower- he meant to pick up his dry cleaning but that wasn’t going to happen. So he was looking at about four hours of sleep, if he was lucky. 

“Shit,” He swore, starting a pot of coffee and grabbing his laptop. Thinking about it wouldn’t help, he just needed to sit down and start researching. 

\--------------------------

“You look like shit.” Blue told him at lunch the next day, her daughter balanced carefully on her hip.

“Love you too,” Adam drawled, trying to catch the waiter's eye to order more coffee.

“Have you been sleeping?” Gansey asked, his eyes scanning Adam’s rumpled appearance and the bags under his eyes.

Adam shrugged. He had gotten less sleep than he’d hoped. Wyatt had had a nightmare and had crawled into bed with him, meaning that Adam was kicked and punched for the rest of the night. 

“Adam you’re going to burn out.” Blue said, her voice a little kinder. “You’ve got to think about Wyatt. Does he even see you?”

“What should I do Blue? Quit my job? Become a stay at home dad? Not all of us have that option.” He said, his tone biting. 

“Just because you’re tired doesn’t mean you get to be an ass.” She replied easily, shifting Rosemary to her other hip. “We’re trying to help you.” 

Adam regretted his tone. It was the exact one he tried not to use with his son. “I know, thank you. But I don’t know what to do- I can’t work less if I want to make partner. And the daycare is already complaining that I pick Wyatt up late every day.”

“Hire a nanny.” Gansey answered easily, like it was obvious. “They can help you, whip the place into shape.”

“Like Mary Poppins?” Adam asked, shaking his head. “That’s too expensive.”

“Not if you have them live with you too- the rent could be part of their salary.”

“I don’t want a strange woman to live with us.” 

“Hire a man then.” Gansey said. Adam opened his mouth to argue again and Gansey shook his head, fixing Adam with a look. “Blue is right, you’re going to burn out. You’re all that Wyatt has Adam, he needs you. Having someone else do the cooking and cleaning would take a lot off your plate. You’d get to do some fun things with Wyatt instead of just the everyday tasks.” 

“I don’t know-” Hiring a nanny felt like admitting he’d failed. Like he couldn’t do it on his own. Rich people hired nannies, the same people who sent their kids to fancy private schools and bought them porsches when they turned sixteen. That wasn’t Adam. That wasn’t what he wanted for Wyatt. He wanted his son to have a better life than him, yes, but not to be handed things on a platter. 

Blue laid a hand on his arm, probably sensing his oncoming spiral. “It’s okay to need help.” 

Old Adam would have bitten back, said that he could handle it and that he was fine. But Adam had changed a lot over the past few years, largely because of his son. This wasn’t about Adam, it was about Wyatt. 

“Any recommendations for agencies?” He asked, forcing himself to give them a small smile. 

A week later and Adam was filling out an application for a nanny. It was an awful mix between a dating app and resume and it was taking far longer than he’d anticipated. He thought it would be as simple as ‘I have a three year old son and I want someone who will clean the house’ but no, they wanted to know how he parented- how he disciplined, bedtimes, sugar allotment- his schedule, a detailed list of what the nanny would do, how much Adam wanted to interact with them- and that was part one. The second part was about his son and his preferences and then a part about Adam. It took him nearly three hours to complete, with him second guessing his answers and the whole process.

Finally though, he hit the submit button and was rewarded with a cheery message- ‘We’ll review your application and start searching for the perfect nanny for you!’ 

Adam hoped it was true. 

\--------------------

Four days later and Adam was certain that it wasn’t. He’d had nine interviews, each one more exhausting than the last. He didn’t think he was picky but all of these people had had at least one deal breaker- either they said they used corporal punishment or they refused to cook vegetarian (Wyatt had spent a weekend with Blue and had come back a vegetarian, Adam was trying to support his choice). Another had made Wyatt cry within the first ten minutes and the boy hadn’t stopped until she left. 

Adam was exhausted and he had a work event coming up tomorrow that he hadn’t been able to find a sitter for. His normal one was out of town, Blue and Gansey were visiting his parents. It felt like everything was crashing down and he wasn’t sure how to fix it. 

He had one more interview scheduled today and he hoped this one would be a winner because after that he was out of options. 

“Okay kiddo, can you clear your plate?” He asked as they finished another late dinner. Wyatt nodded, hopping out of the chair and getting distracted as the doorbell rang.

“I got it!” Wyatt said, peeling to the door. 

“Wyatt it’s the next nanny-” Adam said, trying to stop him but by the time he got to the front door it was already wide open and a man in a black tank top and ripped jeans stood on the other side. “Oh, sorry, we were expecting a nanny. Are you -” Adam frowned, unable to think of a job that this man could be doing. “Why are you here?”

“I’m Ronan, your nanny applicant.” 

Adam sucked in his cheeks, sure there was a mistake. This man looked more likely to beat someone up in an alley than to care for kids. Even now, he looked like he was trying not to scowl. There was no way anyone would leave him alone with a child. 

“I’m sorry there’s been a mistake.”

“No mistake,” Ronan stepped in and gave Adam his card from the agency. It simply read  _ Ronan Lynch, Nanny.  _

Adam sighed. “Well, come in. Do you have a resume?” Ronan nodded, handing it over as Wyatt looked at him wide eyed.

“You have a tattoo!” The boy said, poking to the black swirls that were creeping out of his tank top.

Adam glanced at the resume. The man’s last job was as a chef and before that he was a farmer. 

“I don’t think-” As he started his phone rang, the ringtone told him it was one of the partners in his law firm. “Excuse me.” Ronan nodded, bending down to talk to Wyatt. He felt a second of hesitation at the idea of leaving his son alone with this man but it did seem like he was with the agency. He probably wasn’t going to give Wyatt a tattoo or take him to a biker bar while he took a five minute call. 

“You can sit in the living room if you’d like.” Adam called, darting to get his phone before disappearing into his room. The firm was aware that he was a single father but liked to ignore that fact, expecting him to put in the same hours as everyone else and pick up whenever they called. 

“Parrish!” The partner’s voice boomed in his ear. “We wanted to confirm that you would be attending our little shindig tomorrow evening. It’s very important you know, keeping up appearances and all that.”

“Yes sir, I will be.” Adam glanced out of the door, seeing that Wyatt was leading Ronan to his hotwheel collection. 

“Good good, I wanted to tell you about the individuals that you’ll be seated with. You’ll want to make a good impression.”

“Sir I-” Adam had already looked all of them up and memorized facts to talk to them about. But that didn’t matter, his boss had a message and expected Adam to listen. 

The man droned on and Adam half listened while he watched Ronan and Wyatt play. Ronan seemed to be genuinely interested in what Wyatt was saying, his head was cocked as the boy spoke and nodded along to his rambles. Finally, after ten minutes Adam managed to hang up, and he made his way back out, still watching them.

“This one is my favorite because it’s orange and I like orange!” Wyatt explained, holding up an orange hot rod.

“I don’t really like orange cars.” Ronan said, picking up a sleek black one. “They’re eyesores.”

Wyatt giggled and Adam coughed, getting their attention. “Do you cook?” He asked, moving to sit on the couch. 

Ronan nodded. “I was a chef- I’ve never met a picky eater I couldn’t feed.” 

“Vegetarian?” 

“It’s my specialty.”

“Thoughts on spanking?”

Ronan gave a firm head shake. “I don’t believe in hitting kids.” 

Adam thought for a second. Wyatt had moved closer to Ronan, his arm on the other man’s knee as he held up another car for Ronan’s opinion. “This is daddy’s favorite!” The boy explained. “He likes green!”

“Very respectable.” Ronan said, smiling at the boy.

“Can you start tomorrow?” Adam asked. “On a trial run?” He still wasn’t sure but desperate times. “I have an event tomorrow night so you’d be here alone.” He’d have to call the agency and some of Ronan’s references but right now Ronan was the best option Adam had seen. 

“Fine by me. What time should I be over?” 

Adam was still knotted with anxiety about this whole process- hiring a nanny, having another person live with them. Especially a nanny who looked more like he belonged in a biker gang than at a preschool event but he had very few options. And Blue was right, he needed help. 

“Six.”

\-----------------------------

Adam couldn’t stop checking his phone. He was sure that any minute he’d get a call from Ronan telling him that Wyatt wouldn’t stop crying or that he’d hurt himself or- 

The list of possibilities ran through his head, each one worse than the last. When Ronan had showed up, in a gray tank top today, Adam had spent nearly an hour telling him everything about the house and Wyatt. Ronan had looked annoyed by all his instructions but he hadn’t argued, only asked a few questions and grunted. 

Even though Ronan’s references had checked out Adam had had a hard time leaving. Ronan had brought groceries and the two were hard at work cooking a quiche but still Adam had lingered, watching them. Finally Ronan had sternly told him that he needed to leave because his event was starting and that they would be fine. 

Adam had been late. They were on the soup course when he arrived, awkwardly joining the table and trying to join the conversation. Even in his best suit he felt out of place, like everyone somehow knew he’d gotten it on clearance from an expensive store. He didn’t belong in this world and events like this only served to remind him of that. 

No, he forced himself to remember, he didn’t belong  _ yet _ . That was the point. He would belong, soon. He had clawed his way into this world and he wasn’t going to let a conversation about golf and Hampton vacations derail that. He was doing all this for himself and for his son. That was the reason for all of it. So Wyatt never had to worry like he had, so he never had to put his son to bed hungry or force him to work three jobs for the education he deserved. 

So he stayed, he made small talk with the people at his table and trying to eat the pretentious food that he was offered and when he could he snuck away and checked his phone.

It was well past midnight when he got home, quietly cracking the door. He wasn’t sure what he had expect but the sight shocked him. The place was clean- and not just ‘nothing is on the floor because we shoved it in a closet’ clean but actually clean. The floors had been swept and even mopped. The dishes were done and Adam thought that Ronan had maybe even dusted. It felt like a fairy tale. 

He walked through the house, each room surprising him more than the last, and finally stopped in the kitchen, where Ronan was wearing a ‘Kiss me I’m Irish’ apron and stirring something in a bowl. He stopped as he saw Adam. 

“You’re back earlier than I expected.” 

“You’re in an apron.” Adam’s brain couldn’t connect this- it refused to. Nothing he knew about Ronan Lynch made sense with the damned apron. 

“I don’t like to get my clothes dirty when I bake.” Adam thought he saw a blush appear on Ronan’s high cheekbones before he turned and pulled the apron off, tossing it on the counter. When he turned back he had recovered. “We made dinner- there’s leftovers- read and then he went to bed at 8:30. He’s been sleeping since. I cleaned as best I could. You know most people keep more than just dish soap and lysol for supplies.”  
“I can- get more?” Adam was starting to wonder if he was dreaming. “Wyatt was good?”

“He was great. He helped me cook and wash the dishes. He’s a good kid.” Ronan gave the batter a final stir then covered it with saran wrap. “This is for overnight waffles. You can make them in the morning. The agency will bill you.” 

“For the waffles?”

Ronan looked at him like Adam had gotten hit on the head one too many times. “For my time. I’m sure they’ll send over more applicants tomorrow for you to review.” Ronan turned away, walking past Adam and to the door. He was putting his shoes on by the time Adam realized what he meant. 

“No, wait-” He ran over stopping in front of Ronan. “You’re not what I expected.”

“I got that, thanks.” Ronan told him, lacing up his boots. 

“But you’re good with Wyatt. And you’re the first person I’ve liked even a little.”

Ronan fixed him with a look and again Adam wondered why the hell this man was a nanny. 

“Wow. What a high compliment.”

“I’m asking you to stay dickhead.” Adam flushed. He hadn’t meant to be an ass but something in Ronan brought it out. 

To his surprise Ronan laughed. The sound startled Adam. “Dickhead? I’m not sure you can call the hired help names.”

“You’re not exactly regular hired help.”

Ronan nodded, looking pleased. “You’re right, I’m not.” He regarded Adam, then the house. “I’ll do it. We can talk about hours and shit tomorrow.” He stood, reaching his hand out. “Excited to work for you Mr. Parrish.”

“Don’t call me that, it reminds me of my dad.” Adam said, accepting the hand.

“Okay Parrish, I’ll be back in the morning with my shit. Don’t burn the waffles.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What did you do to my waffles Parrish?” He asked, turning to glare accusingly at Adam.
> 
> Adam felt a little ashamed, especially as he inhaled and smelled the burnt batter. “We didn’t have a waffle maker.”
> 
> “So you poured it onto a pan?”
> 
> Adam shrugged. It seemed reasonable to him. He thought it would be like pancakes. 
> 
> Ronan continued, still scrapping. “Did you spray it? Or put butter down?”
> 
> “Shit.”

The doorbell rang for the fifth- maybe sixth?- time. As if this time Adam would suddenly be able to drop what he was doing and open the door. 

That wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t any more able to get it this time than the previous ones, not with the disaster that had bubbled up and then exploded over in his kitchen. 

Currently, with one hand Adam was trying to bandage a burn that Wyatt had from trying to touch stovetop while stretching up with his other stop the fire alarm that was going off because of the earlier burnt waffles and trying to turn off the burner to stop the others from burning. If he had three hands and very long arms, all of this may have been possible but because he had two hands and normal arms, none of it was. 

The music they had started was still going because their speaker couldn’t hear him shouting for it to stop over all the other noise. Wyatt was crying because of all the noise and his hand and because he was hungry and Adam was regretting ever trying something more difficult than cereal for breakfast. 

“Just-” Adam started then realized there was no way Ronan could hear him. “Come in!” He shouted, hoping he was heard over all the other noise. It was entirely possible that Ronan couldn’t hear him and that all this ended with Adam in a straight jacket. 

“What the-” Ronan stepped into view, surveying the scene. 

“You still want the job?” Adam asked, not entirely joking. He half expected Ronan to turn around and walk out the door. Adam knew the scene was chaotic and he was in the middle of it, he was sure it looked worse to an outsider. 

So he was impressed when Ronan walked into the kitchen, surveying the disaster and acting immediately. 

“Take Wyatt and bandage him up, I’ll deal with the rest.” Ronan told him as he reached over him to turn the burner off. Adam was about to protest but realized he didn’t have any reason to. Ronan was here to help; it had just happened sooner than he expected. 

He scooped Wyatt up, humming to him softly to help him calm down. Adam couldn’t carry a tune but Wyatt was too young to know that. For now, all he knew was that he was in his dad’s arms and safe. His sobs stopped and soon he was only whimpering as Adam brought him to the bathroom. A minute later, the beeping and music stopped and silence filled the house. Adam felt himself relax and could tell Wyatt was too. 

“Are you okay buddy?” Adam asked, leaning down in front of his son. The boy nodded and Adam scooped him up, carrying him back to the kitchen on his hip where Ronan was scraping waffle batter off the pan.

“What did you do to my waffles Parrish?” He asked, turning to glare accusingly at Adam.

Adam felt a little ashamed, especially as he inhaled and smelled the burnt batter. “We didn’t have a waffle maker.”

“So you poured it onto a pan?”

Adam shrugged. It seemed reasonable to him. He thought it would be like pancakes. 

Ronan continued, still scrapping. “Did you spray it? Or put butter down?”

“ _ Shit _ .”

“Daddy! Don’t swear!” Wyatt was trying to cover his mouth, looking alarmed. “It’s bad!” 

Gently, Adam lowered his son’s hand, nodding. “You’re right. Sorry, daddy was just upset with himself.” He gave Ronan a guilty look. “Sorry I ruined your breakfast.” Adam wanted to offer to clean it, it was certainly his mistake, but Ronan had already turned away, opening their fridge and grabbing eggs and milk. 

“I’ll make something else. You two can go relax or whatever.” Ronan said.

Again, Adam wanted to protest, leaving Ronan alone while he sat and did nothing went against everything he knew, but that was the point. That was what Adam would soon be paying him for. 

So he turned to his son, “What do you want to do bud?” 

The boy’s eyes lit up. “Outside?”

He nodded. “Let’s get shoes on.” He took Wyatt to the entryway and together they put on shoes and coats before going to the backyard. The sheer joy on Wyatt’s face over having his dad’s full attention as they played catch made him feel awful. His son shouldn’t be this delighted to simply be with him. 

He tried to remember the last time they’d done this and realized with a lurch it had probably been months. Normally Saturday mornings meant cartoons for Wyatt and working for Adam. He still had things he needed to do later but for now he focused on Wyatt. 

Not worrying about breakfast helped immensely. It gave them twenty minutes he didn’t normally have. That twenty minutes felt like a lifetime as he watched his son laugh and play.

“It’s ready!” Ronan called from the kitchen window. Wyatt ran to the back door, throwing it open and barreling inside. Adam followed, smelling coffee and pancakes. 

“Take your shoes off and wash your hands!” Adam called after him, entering a second later. 

“Here, non-burned breakfast.” Ronan had set two places at the table for them, with all the fixings and drinks surrounding them. 

“Aren’t you eating with us?” Adam asked, helping Wyatt wash his hands before they sat. 

Ronan shrugged. “I’ve got dishes.”

It felt wrong, sitting down to a meal someone else made while they continued to work. It felt like too many times at home, when his parents would be in front of the TV and he’d be working through the list of chores they gave him. It didn’t sit right for him.

“Please?” He asked, hoping he didn’t sound too pitiful.

He may have though. Ronan’s expression softened as he looked at Adam, giving one nod before making himself a plate. Adam let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as all three of them sat down, Adam cutting Wyatt’s food into bite sized pieces so the boy could easily dig in.

It was several minutes before he got to take his first bite and Ronan was nearly done already. He didn’t miss how Ronan’s eyes followed his fork, looking concerned that Adam wouldn't like it. He promised himself he’d pretend, even if they weren’t that good. 

Luckily, he didn’t need to. Flavor exploded in his mouth as he bit down, tasting butter and strawberries mixed with an almond. 

“This is amazing!” He said, biting back a groan. “Wow Ronan, you can cook!”

“Bake.” Ronan corrected but Adam saw a half smile on his face. “And it’s just waffles, chill out.”

“Yum!” Wyatt agreed, already abandoning his fork and using his hands. Adam thought about stopping him but the boy already needed a bath. 

“I don’t remember the last time we had waffles that didn’t come out of a toaster.” Adam told him, pouring a generous amount of syrup over them. 

“Your cooking habits wound me Parrish.” Ronan replied, making Adam laugh and then earning one from Wyatt, who still loved to laugh whenever his dad did, even if he didn’t get the joke. Ronan gave Adam that half smile again, something Adam was starting to like. He felt like he earned Ronan’s smiles, like they were a rare currency and he should appreciate being given them.

The rest of the meal went by in a comfortable silence, with both him and Wyatt eating far too much. He was going to have to think about portion control if Ronan cooked everything this well. 

After breakfast and a bath, Adam set Wyatt up with his toys while he and Ronan sat at the table, preparing for the employment conversation. 

“When can you move in?” He asked, curling a hand around his second cup of coffee. Even that tasted better when Ronan made it. He suspected that the man added cinnamon. 

“Tomorrow.” 

The answer surprised Adam. He’d expected that Ronan would need time to pack or a lease to get out of but he wasn’t about to complain. 

“Okay, great. You’ll have every Thursday and every other weekend off. Is that okay?” He’d outlined all this in his contract but wanted to go over it with the man that he’d soon be living with. “And I’ll leave him in daycare twice a week so you can do other things- groceries and cleaning.” He felt rude, telling Ronan what his schedule would be but this is what Adam needed. 

Thankfully, Ronan just nodded. They went over the basics- pay, expectations, Wyatt’s schedule- and Ronan mostly nodded through them. He didn’t ask questions and by the end, Adam was perplexed. Most applicants had been eager to tell him about their experience with kids, about all the classes and things they’d taken. Ronan offered no details. 

“I have to ask,” Adam said as they wrapped up. Ronan’s eyes whipped to him, curious but not cruel. “Why nannying? You aren’t- you don’t strike me as someone who would want to spend time with kids.”

Ronan was silent for a moment and Adam thought he had overstepped, maybe asked something he shouldn’t. But then he spoke and something in his voice told Adam that this was the first time he’d said all this out loud.

“I was a chef and I was good at it. I am good at it. I spent years training all over the world and poured everything I had into my career.” Adam nodded, he understood that. Sacrifice for a greater goal. 

“Finally, I became head chef. I loved it, it was everything I’d ever wanted, but the restaurant didn’t do well. I don’t know if it was the timing, the location or my food. It doesn’t matter. It closed in under a year and I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want that life again. I’d given everything I could and had nothing to show for it. I had always spent time with my nieces and nephews and a friend suggested nannying. I figured that I already did a lot of the stuff for free so why not.” 

It wasn’t the most encouraging answer Adam had heard. No ‘oh I’ve always loved kids’ or ‘I want to help shape their development’. But if Ronan had come to him with an answer like that, Adam wouldn’t have believed him but this response made sense. It was honest, raw. Ronan had fallen into this; it didn’t sound like he intended it as a forever career but Adam didn’t need him for forever. 

“Thank you for telling me all that.” Ronan didn’t have to share that, most of it wasn’t Adam’s business, especially since it seemed painful for him to say. He hoped it meant that Ronan trusted him. He still wasn’t sure what their relationship would be but he hoped they could trust each other. Ronan would be spending every day with his son, the more they trusted each other the better. 

Ronan grunted.

“Anything you want me to know?” Adam asked. “Since we’ll be roommates?” 

The other man thought for a second then said, “I have a bird.” 

This was going to be an interesting arrangement. 

Ronan moved in the next day. He had a grand total of five boxes, one of which looked like it was toys for his bird. There was no furniture or artwork. Adam soon learned that a second box was full of kitchen items. Ronan opened one of Adam’s empty cabinets and shoved the items in there. Adam watched, realizing he didn’t recognize what most of them were but feeling grateful that someone would be able to teach Wyatt cooking skills. 

After the boxes came a large black bird in a cage. Wyatt, who had been playing on the floor, suddenly flew to attention. Adam never let him have pets, he barely had time for Wyatt, much less something else that needed attention, but the boy loved animals in all shapes and sizes. 

After a nod from Adam, Ronan open the cage and the bird flew to his shoulder as Ronan bent down, explaining to Wyatt how to pet her and that her name was Chainsaw. It was a strange thing to watch, Wyatt squealing with delight at how the bird felt as she turned her head, looking at the boy with one yellow eye. She seemed well trained. Adam vaguely wondered if a crow was a legal pet but decided that Ronan had asked for so little so far that he could probably let this go. 

Once Ronan had put her away, he came back into the living room and looked at Adam. “The next order of business is that kitchen. It needs a lot of supplies. Are you okay with me buying everything and giving you the bill?” 

He nodded, relieved that he didn’t have to do the grocery shopping. He knew eventually he’d have to give Ronan weekly cash or a prepaid card but for now this would work perfectly. 

“Should I take Wyatt?” 

“That would be fantastic.” He needed to write a deposition and having a quiet house would help. 

“Okay. We’ll get something for dinner too.” Ronan turned, bending down to look at the boy. “How’s a trip to the grocery store sound? You can pick out any vegetable you want for dinner.”

Wyatt’s eyes went wide. “Any?” Ronan nodded as Wyatt screamed his approval. 

As they got ready to leave, Adam disappeared into the office. He could hear Wyatt asking Ronan a dozen questions as they got ready to go and then the front door closed and silence filled the small house. It was nice, the guilt he normally felt for working on weekends was reduced to about twenty percent. He still wanted to be out there but this was much better than plunking the boy in front of the TV. He liked knowing that Wyatt was getting one on one attention from someone- especially someone who was willing to answer his endless stream of questions.

When he came out around dinner time, he saw Ronan and Wyatt standing in the kitchen, cooking together. The sight made him smile, Wyatt loved being in there but Adam was useless beyond boxed mixes. 

“Can I help?” He asked, wondering if he was somehow overstepping. The kitchen already felt like Ronan’s territory but the man turned to him and nodded, pointing to Wyatt. 

“Can you help him mix? He has the enthusiasm but not the fine motor skills.” Ronan had grabbed a chair and set the bowl on it and Wyatt was trying to stir some vegetables together. 

Adam chuckled and bent down, standing behind Wyatt and helping him. He saw what Ronan meant, there were several pieces of vegetables on the floor, a hazard of Wyatt’s erratic stirring. 

“What color is this?” He asked, putting his hand over Wyatt’s to help him. 

Wyatt frowned, staring at the zucchini for a long second before saying, “Green?”

“Good job! Which one did you pick?” 

“The purple one!” Wyatt said, picking up a piece of it and showing Adam. “Ronan said it’s called eggplant and its purple because ants crying.” 

“Oh?” Adam looked up at Ronan and smiling. “Ants crying?”

“Anthocyanin nasunin.” Ronan explained. “Close though.” Adam chuckled and was rewarded with another Ronan smile. 

Together, the three of them made dinner. It was the most relaxed meal Adam and Wyatt had had in a long time, having another person in the kitchen made a huge difference, especially one who knew what they were doing. He and Ronan talked some but most of the noise was provided by Wyatt, who babbled on about whatever popped into his head. He loved having two adults paying attention to him and Adam wasn’t about to stop him. 

After dinner, Ronan sent them away so he could clean up and before long, Wyatt was yawning widely and Adam decided it was time for bed. The boy was exhausted, nearly asleep after the first book and something in Adam quietly sang as he looked down at his son. He pushed his hair aside, dropping a light kiss on his forehead. This was working, it really was. 

After, Adam went to the living room, falling onto the couch and ready to watch a show that didn’t feature any singing or animal companions. It was the first Sunday night in a long time that he didn't need to catch up on work and he already had a beer poured and popcorn made. It felt strange, there was a low guilt in him that felt like he should be doing something but he reminded himself that it was okay to take an evening off. 

As he propped his feet up, Ronan walked by. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Wait, do you want to watch something? With me?” He asked, pointing unnecessarily to the TV. He wasn’t sure how this worked but he didn’t want Ronan to feel like he needed to hide in his room.

Ronan looked at him then the TV screen and shook his head. “Nah, enjoy your shitty show.” He said it in a teasing way, not cruel, and a hint of a smile appeared on his lips again. Something about it made Adam wish he would stay, sit and talk to him. It wasn’t often he got to talk to adults besides co-workers and Ronan was undeniably interesting. 

Adam scoffed. “I don't think you should judge it until you’ve watched it.” Of course, as he said it two people began arguing about some inane thing a third person had said. 

Ronan raised an eyebrow. “I think I know enough.”

“Whatever, you don’t know what you’re missing.” Adam said with a smile. The man smiled back, giving him a two finger wave before disappearing into his room. Adam watched as the door closed, wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the wonderful chap 1 feedback! Im glad you're all as excited as me for this fic!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s your favorite food?” Ronan asked, watching Adam gather his things for work. 
> 
> “Spaghetti. Why?” He asked, putting his shoes on. 
> 
> “I’m going to make it for dinner.” 
> 
> Adam looked up at him, confused. “Why?” 
> 
> Ronan looked back at him, his expression cool. “Why not? I need to make something.”
> 
> “I-” Adam couldn’t remember the last time someone had made what he wanted for dinner, or had even asked. He wasn’t sure it had ever happened.

The next morning was strange because it wasn’t chaotic. Mornings normally started with Adam waking up early to make lunches for both him and Wyatt and then trying to wake Wyatt up and get him dressed before they rushed out (almost always late). 

Today though, Adam only needed to worry about himself. He slept in and took a long shower. By the time Adam was done, Ronan had already made breakfast, something that looked like eggs in muffin tins, and coffee, both were waiting when he came downstairs. 

“I’m going to gain twenty pounds with you.” Adam told him, grabbing one and bouncing it between his hands, trying to get it to cool down quicker. 

“You need it.” Ronan replied, watching Adam’s strange dance. “Here’s your coffee.” Ronan pushed a mug to him and Adam sipped, tasting a hint of cinnamon in it. 

“You remember that daycare starts-”

“At seven.” Ronan finished. “And I pick him up at four. We’ll have dinner ready when you get back.”

Adam bit back a joke about how Ronan was like a stay at home spouse. But the whole thing felt strangely domestic and Adam couldn’t deny that it was nice, to have someone that he trusted Wyatt with, someone to share the mental and physical load. It was a huge weight off his shoulders and so far all Ronan had done was make breakfast. 

“What’s your favorite food?” Ronan asked, watching Adam gather his things for work. 

“Spaghetti. Why?” He asked, putting his shoes on. 

“I’m going to make it for dinner.” 

Adam looked up at him, confused. “Why?” 

Ronan looked back at him, his expression cool. “Why not? I need to make something.”

“I-” Adam couldn’t remember the last time someone had made what he wanted for dinner, or had even asked. He wasn’t sure it had ever happened. 

“Thanks.” The word didn’t cover the strange bubble of gratefulness he felt but he didn’t know how else to say it. 

Ronan just shrugged, unaware of the immense kindness he’d just done for Adam. 

“I need to get Wyatt up. I’ll see you later.” With that, Ronan handed Adam a bag for lunch and left, not saying anything else. 

Adam couldn’t figure him out. He thought about Ronan as he drove to work. The idea of him as a nanny was still strange but he also couldn’t figure out what Ronan wanted- if he wanted Adam to leave him alone or not. 

They would adjust, he reminded himself. This was new for both of them and he didn’t need to know everything right now- even if it drove him insane not to. 

His day flew by and before he knew it, he was opening the front door. “Go get him.” He heard Ronan call and then Wyatt was running at him full force, launching into his arms.

“Dad! We made your favorite! We made pasta and sauce and bread and meatballs!”

“Meatballs?” He asked, putting the boy on his hip as he walked into the kitchen.

“Soyballs really. No meat but still delicious.” Ronan told him, slinging a washcloth over his shoulder as Adam walked in. “It’s all ready- minus the two piece of bread that your son ‘dropped’ then offered to eat.” Ronan said, fixing Wyatt with a look.

"I didn’t want to waste them!” He cried and Adam heard his own voice in that, his constant reminder not to waste food. Wyatt was still talking though, listing off the bread ingredients.

“He added cheese and garlic and-” Wyatt paused, screwing his face up as he tried to remember. 

“Red pepper flakes.” Ronan supplied. 

“Right! Dad, they aren’t just red though.” Wyatt looked at him, shaking his small head solemnly and Adam smiled. It had been a long time, too long, since Wyatt had seemed so happy. 

“No? Tell me everything- after we wash our hands.” 

Wyatt babbled at him as they washed hands and poured drinks, the two of them sitting down to eat. Ronan remained standing, hovering near the pasta like he thought it was going to escape.

“You have to sit at the table. It’s dinner time. It’s a rule.” Wyatt recited, another thing that Adam had told him many times. “Unless it’s a special reason like a birthday.” 

“I’m not sure that applies to me.” Ronan replied and Wyatt frowned, confused as to why he had different rules. 

Adam turned in his chair, looking at Ronan. “He’s right. If you’re going to be living with us, you should eat with us, only if you want to.” 

“I want him to eat with us!” Wyatt said, giving Ronan his best puppy dog eyes. Adam was glad to see that they worked on Ronan too; he shrugged and made a plate for himself. 

Wyatt insisted that Ronan sit on his other side so that the boy was between them. 

“I can’t believe you made all this.” Adam said, looking at his plate of food. Wyatt was already tearing into it. Adam moved his bread so it didn’t accidentally disappear into his son’s mouth. 

“It’s what you wanted. It’s really a waste of my talents but,” Ronan shrugged, “You wanted something boring.”

Adam looked at him, seeing that Ronan was smiling back at him. And, oh, Adam liked that smile. It was mischievous and clever. 

“It’s classic.”

“Boring, classic, I’m not sure there’s much of a difference.” He said as he swirled a piece of pasta on his fork, still smirking at Adam. 

Whatever Adam had expected from a nanny, it wasn’t this; it wasn’t to be teased and to be flashed a brilliant smile. It took him a second to recover and in that time, Wyatt decided to use the sauce as hair gel. 

“Buddy!”

“Wyatt!” 

Both reacted at the same time, going to grab Wyatt’s hand before he could make it worse. The boy was startled and began crying and flailing, resulting in both of them being covered in red sauce. 

“Shit,” Adam cursed under his breath, looking at his shirt. He’d have to get it dry cleaned and he was already imagining the expense. 

Not the issue, he reminded himself, turning to his son. Ronan had released him and stepped back, letting Adam handle it. He stepped back, quickly taking his nice shirt off so he was only wearing a dingy undershirt. 

“Come on buddy.” He said, scooping the crying boy up. “It’s okay. You just can’t play with food, remember?” 

“Noooo,” Wyatt cried, small hands curls in frustration. “Daddy! No!” 

Adam glanced at the clock. It was still early in the evening. That never happened. “Are you done eating? Should we take a bath?” 

Wyatt nodded, crocodile tears still in his eyes. “Alright buddy.” Adam cradled the boy against him, cooing to him. 

“You haven’t eaten yet.” Ronan said, watching them.

“I’m sure it’s good cold.” Adam said over his shoulder. He was used to cold meals. 

He gave Wyatt a long bath, sitting next to him outside the tub and handing him bath toys. After that, the boy was exhausted and Adam decided an early bed time was in order. 

Once he had finally tucked the boy in, he went back out, finding that his plate was still at the table, wrapped in tin foil. 

“Thanks,” He peeled it off and sat, ready to finally dig in. “How did the day go?” He asked, turning to look at Ronan. He was leaning against the counter. The food was already put away and the dishes were done. It felt like Adam had a Mary Poppins.

“Good. He’s a good kid. A little used to getting his way-” Here Ronan raised a deliberate eyebrow. “But good.” 

Adam opened his mouth, ready to defend himself, but then closed it. It was the truth and he knew it. He was indulgent with Wyatt, giving him things when he couldn’t give him time and generally not seeing the point in arguing with him. He was so focused on not acting like his father had he may have swung too far in the opposite direction.

So his only reply was a guilty shrug. “It’s hard to say no to someone so cute.”

Ronan smiled then nodded. “I believe it.” He hesitated, clearly wanting to ask something and Adam tensed, convinced that Ronan was going to say he quit, that he hated this job. Mentally, he started to calculate if he could pay the man anymore. If he cut down how much he was paying on his loans maybe he could-

“It’s none of my business.” Ronan started, interrupting his thoughts. “But Wyatt was asking why he didn’t have a mom like the other kids. You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to but what should I tell him?” 

That wasn’t what Adam had expected at all and he choked on a noodle. Once his coughing fit ended, he looked at Ronan. “I can tell you. I’m sure you’ll hear rumors of it around his school and I’d rather have you know the truth.” Adam loved Wyatt’s school but many of the parents had too little to do and too much time to do it in. Adam being a single parent was the topic of many conversations. He tried not to feed into it but it didn’t stop people from talking. 

Adam sighed then started. “His mom, Melissa, and I were together. We met in law school. She was- driven. Both of us were. It was one of the reasons we got together. She never stopped pushing me to be better and I did the same for her.” It was one of the things that had worked with them. They would bring the other coffee at 2am and both were fine with date nights that consisted of studying torts. Adam had thought it was perfect.

“Our last year of law school we found out she was pregnant. It was a shock to say the least but we decided to keep it and raise the baby.” He smiled, remembering the excitement at picking out baby items. He had been terrified at first but as Melissa’s belly grew, so did his hope. He wanted to give their baby everything. He wanted to make it work. 

“The first few months were hard. We were both clerking while studying for the bar and we worked long hours. Daycare was expensive so we tried to keep him with us.” Adam had learned how to get by on even less sleep, studying contracts while Wyatt slept in his arms and listening to bar prep lessons as he drove Wyatt to doctor’s appointments. 

“It got a little better as he got older. We both passed the bar and I thought we had turned a corner. Then one day Melissa told me that she got a job with an entertainment firm in California and that she was taking it. I had just started a new job so I asked how we would make it work.”

Here he had to pause. Even though it was years ago, talking about it still left him raw. To his surprise, Ronan reached a hand out and covered Adam’s. He didn’t say anything, didn’t tell Adam he could stop if it was too hard to talk about, and Adam appreciated that. He didn’t want to be treated like he was delicate. 

“She said we weren’t going to, that she was leaving. She told me she had never signed up for this, that she wasn’t cut out to be a mother. I don’t know if she even felt guilty for it.” He sighed, swirling his wine. “She left the next day. For a while, she sent checks but I never cashed them. I didn’t want to ease her guilt by taking her money. She never calls, never checks in on him.” Adam hadn’t heard from her in years. He tried not to think of her because it left him bitter and angry. 

“I never told Wyatt because -” He paused again, swallowing his pain. “How am I supposed to tell him that his mom abandoned him? He didn’t do anything wrong. He was a baby. He didn’t ask for this and she left him.” He shook his head.

“I always hoped that I would be enough for him. I guess not.”

Ronan was silent for a minute then spoke, his voice gentle. “Him asking about his mom doesn’t mean you aren’t doing everything right. He’s curious. You should tell him.”

“The truth?”

“A version of it.” Ronan stopped and Adam glanced over, seeing his eyebrows knitted together. “Also, its not very professional but, fuck her man. She left you both. You’ve raised him great on your own.”

Hearing that from a relative stranger made Adam want to cry. “Thank you.”

“I mean neither of you can cook or clean for shit but that’s why you have me.” 

Adam laughed then returned to his food as Ronan removed his hand. It had grown cold but was still delicious. “I’ll think about it.” He said as Ronan stood, “About telling Wyatt.” 

Ronan nodded, disappearing to his room as Adam finished eating. He was grateful for the time alone. It had been a while since he’d told that story. Blue and Gansey were there during it and other people never asked. As much as he wanted to be over it, he still wasn’t. His chest still ached to think about Melissa and what she’d done. It had hurt that she’d left him but even more that she had left Wyatt. 

After he finished eating, he decided to get a head start on researching a new case, not wanting to wallow in the past. He spent a few hours on it and then went to bed at a wholly reasonable hour. It was strange. He felt himself already getting used to having Ronan there, to his intense presence. 

And he liked it. 

Over the next week, things fell into a routine. Adam would get up and get ready (sans Wyatt hanging off of him) and go to work (listening to whatever he wanted as he drove). When he came home, he’d eat dinner with Ronan and Wyatt and then play with his son until bedtime. Once Wyatt was asleep, he’d work more or watch a movie. He’d stopped inviting Ronan to watch with him; he always said no and it seemed like he was uncomfortable with the idea. But things were good, Wyatt seemed happy and Adam noticed that his temper wasn’t as sharp. He didn’t feel constantly burned out or on edge. 

He still couldn’t quite figure Ronan out. The man didn’t reveal much about himself and Adam felt like he was prodding if he asked. Plus, overall, it was working and Adam wasn’t about to compromise that. 

“So your new manny, you like him?” Blue asked, looking around his house. Rosemary was sitting next to Wyatt, chewing on a teething biscuit as he explained his newest marble maze. 

Adam nodded. “This place has never been cleaner and Wyatt is doing great.”

“And it looks like you’re actually eating.” Blue said, playfully poking his side. 

He smiled, knowing that her and Gansey were constantly worried about how much he worked and how little he ate. “Yes, and that.” 

“What’s he like? Are you two best friends? Or is he British?”

“Are those the only options?” Adam teased. Blue stuck her tongue out at him. 

That was when the front door opened and Ronan came inside. He stopped in the entryway, probably shocked to hear other voices. Adam didn’t have friends over often but Blue had insisted that it had been too long and had shown up with donuts, coffee and her daughter. Three things Adam couldn’t resist. He loved that Rosemary was a perfect mix of Blue and Gansey- she already had Blue’s stubbornness and Gansey’s intensity and he couldn’t wait to watch her grow up. 

“Ah! The famous nanny!” Blue rushed over, sticking her hand out. “I’m Blue, that’s my daughter, Rosemary.” 

Ronan glanced at Rosemary, who was wearing two dresses that Blue had stitched together, then at Blue, whose hair was held together by bobby pins and string, and raised an eyebrow. 

“Not friends from work I’m assuming.” He put down an armful of groceries then shook Blue’s hand.

“Not quite.” She agreed, looking him over. 

“We’re friends from high school.” Adam explained when he realized that Blue wasn’t going to. 

“We dated.” She added.

“Before she got together with my best friend.” Adam finished and Blue laughed, tilting her head back. Her and Gansey were a perfect match and any anger Adam had from it had faded over a decade ago. He and Blue were better as friends. 

Ronan nodded slowly, not asking any follow up questions. “I’m going to get dinner started, are you two staying?” He asked. 

Blue shook her head. “Plans, but thanks.”

He shrugged, turning to leave. As soon as he was out of earshot, Blue hit Adam and hissed, “You didn’t tell me he was a fox!”

“A fox?” Adam asked, watching Wyatt try to wrangle a toy from Rosemary and debating if he should step in. He decided to let the kids solve it themselves, for now. 

“Attractive. Sexy. He has that whole angry biker vibe.” 

Wyatt tried again to yank the toy and Adam bent down, taking it away and handing them both two new ones. “You have to be nice. She’s younger than you.” He reminded Wyatt. Then to Blue. “I didn’t think that was your type. You seem to like the academics.”

She tsked. “It's not my type but it is yours.” 

He straightened, looking at her. “What are you saying?” The kids were happily playing again and he tossed the toy in his hand. 

She shrugged. “Nothing. Just that you picked a nanny who's easy on your eyes.”

“I’m not a cliche, Blue.” He said, dropping his voice. The last thing he needed was for Ronan to hear this conversation. “I don’t want to bang my nanny. I picked him because he was the only option that Wyatt and I liked, not for his looks.” 

“Whatever you say, Adam.” Her voice had a teasing tone that Adam knew well. In addition to worrying about him eating and sleeping, her and Gansey were constantly offering to set him up. He always declined, saying he didn’t have time, but it didn’t stop her from looking for opportunities where she could. 

“I’m just saying, it’s convenient that you picked a nanny who looks like he can bench press you.” 

He knew she was teasing but he still changed the subject, asking about the expansion to her bakery. Blue left an hour later, smirking at Adam as she said goodbye to Ronan. He shook his head at her but it only made her grin more. 

Blue’s words stayed with him long after she left and at dinner, for the first time, he let himself really look at Ronan. The sharp angle of his cheeks, the slope of his nose, the way his arm muscles moved under his black shirt. 

But it wasn’t just that. Adam watched Ronan lean over Wyatt, helping to cut his food and that made something in him ache. It was such a comfortable gesture and Wyatt already loved him. 

Then Ronan caught him staring and gave him an odd look and Adam turned away, ignoring the swirl of emotions he felt. 

The next day was Ronan’s day off and he was gone by the time Wyatt woke Adam up. They spent the day at a park and then went out to lunch. Adam was grateful for this time, for getting to be with Wyatt with no guilt that he should be doing something else. 

The day went by quickly and soon Adam was putting Wyatt to sleep and making himself some tea before going to the table to work on a continuance. 

He had been working for nearly an hour when the front door opened. He turned, ready to greet Ronan, but two people spilled through the door, Ronan and someone else. The new man was laughing and had an arm around Ronan’s waist as they walked in together. Ronan had never mentioned a boyfriend - he barely mentioned anything about his life outside of nannying- but it was clear these two were close. Adam watched as they bent together, the man whispering something to Ronan and Ronan’s lips curling into a smile. 

Something in Adam tightened, watching them together, something he refused to examine. He hadn’t seen Ronan laugh like that before. It looked good on him, softened his features. He hadn’t even known Ronan could laugh so hard. It was a sharp reminder of how little Adam knew Ronan and he didn’t like it. 

Their heads were bent together and both were laughing loudly. They didn’t notice Adam’s approach until he was next to them.

“Aha! You must be Adam!” The man said, looking up to grin at him. He was Asian, with black eyeliner to accentuate his eyes and an easy smile. “I’m Henry.” 

“Hello.” Adam replied coldly. He glanced at Ronan who was watching them both. He had straightened and moved out from Henry’s arm. “Wyatt is sleeping.”

“Good, it’s late.” Ronan replied, the laughter dying quickly. His expression was a carefully schooled look of annoyance and nonchalance and it rubbed Adam. It felt like he was being lied to without words. 

No one spoke for a minute and then Henry said, “I believe I will retire to your room. It was lovely to finally meet you.” He saluted Adam and then disappeared, leaving them alone. 

They stared at each other for a minute and then Adam spoke, trying to stick to the facts. He didn’t want to think about why he was this upset, why this rubbed him the wrong way. 

“I don’t care what you and your boyfriend do on your nights off but I don’t want Wyatt exposed to it.” 

One of Ronan’s eyebrows arched impressively. “Exposed to what exactly?”

“You could have woken him up.” 

Ronan stepped in and for the first time, Adam realized how intimidating he could be if he wanted. His stance shifted to defensive and angry. “If you have a fucking problem with gay people-”

“No! What?” Adam shook his head, shocked and hurt that he would think that. “I’m bisexual.”

Immediately, Ronan’s posture changed. The anger bled out and he relaxed. 

“You and your boyfriend were just being loud and drunk.” Adam added quickly. “That’s it. I don’t care what you two do.” 

That was a lie and Adam knew it. He cared a lot. The thought of Henry’s lips on Ronan made his stomach churn. 

“Boyfriend?” Ronan laughed, open and loud. He shook his head. “Don’t let him hear you say that. I’d never hear the end of it.”

“So he’s not?” Adam asked, stupid relief rushing through him. 

Ronan shook his head. “Fuck no. Henry and I are just friends.”

“He had an arm around you.” Adam replied petulantly. 

“He’s touchy. I tried to get him to stop but it’s a battle I’ll never win.” 

“Oh.” 

Adam felt silly. Ronan was looking at him like he was trying to figure something out so he ducked his head. He wasn’t sure what Ronan was looking for but he didn’t want him to figure out. 

“Bisexual, huh?” Ronan asked after a second. Adam nodded. “I’m gay. I didn’t tell you because-”

“It’s fine.” Adam made himself look at Ronan again. “It’s none of my business.”

“Until I accuse you of being homophobic.” Ronan said with a smirk. 

He nodded. “Guess I should work on getting to the point quicker.” 

“You’re a lawyer. They pay you to talk.” Adam shook his head and Ronan chuckled. Then he threw a thumb over his shoulder. “I should get to Henry before he gets bored and decides to fuck with Chainsaw.” 

“See you.” Adam said, watching Ronan walk away. Something had changed between them. He wasn't sure what but he felt the shift as clearly as night and day. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What time does the recital start tomorrow?” Ronan asked as they started walking. 
> 
> “Four, I took a half day so you don’t need to worry about getting him there.” It had been on Adam’s calendar since Wyatt had come home with the hand out. 
> 
> “I’m going.” Ronan replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
> 
> “Why?” Adam asked, surprised. It was his kid and he barely wanted to go. 
> 
> “We’ve been working on these songs for weeks, I’m going to see the product of my hard work.” He ruffled Wyatt’s hair a little, the boy swatting at him. 
> 
> Adam smiled at this, rubbing Wyatt’s back. “Well, okay. Want to drive together?”
> 
> “So fucking domestic, Parrish.” Ronan said but he nodded, making happiness curl in Adam. 

Adam was nothing if not an expert in ignoring his feelings. Growing up the way he had, he’d learned early to shove them down, bury them deep so they couldn't hurt him. It was safer, a way to protect himself from the terrible burn of hurt or disappointment. Even now, as an adult, he often fell back on his old habits. 

That was exactly what he did with his new feelings for Ronan. He refused to examine them or even fully acknowledge that they existed. He knew if he did, he'd fall down a rabbit hole of questioning and confusion and he couldn’t let that happen. Not when Ronan was his employee. He didn’t have that luxury.

So instead, he ignored them in hopes they went away. It wasn’t hard, acting like nothing had changed, because Ronan seemed to be following the same script as him. Something else they had in common, both were experts at ignoring things they didn’t want to talk about. 

The changes were subtle. They still talked and joked around like they had before, Ronan still gave him shit for his eating habits, but now Adam couldn’t help but glance at him every time he told a joke, hoping to see that secret smile, the one that gave him a silent thrill. He also caught Ronan looking at him, watching him when he played with Wyatt or when he got home from a run. Ronan’s eyes didn’t linger but Adam still felt them, knew they were on him. It was a strange torture, knowing that Ronan was noticing him too but both of them pretending they weren’t. 

There was something there, something more, but Adam didn’t let himself linger on it. He focused on Wyatt, on work, anything but Ronan. It wasn’t easy but it was necessary and Adam was good at things like that. Ronan had been with them just over two months and things were going well. Wyatt was happy; they were finally eating actual meals and the house was clean. He wouldn’t risk throwing away his son’s happiness for a fleeting moment of his own. 

“Dad! I don’t wanna wear that! I need a suit! Like yours!” Wyatt insisted, his hands curled into balls as Adam held up the clothes options. 

“Buddy, I think it’s fine.” He repeated for the fifth time, putting down one of Wyatt’s nicer shirts. “No one else will be in a suit.” 

“No! No, it’s not!” Wyatt screamed, his face bunching up. Adam knew that he was getting ready to cry. 

“What’s going on?” Ronan asked, suddenly appearing in the doorframe. It was his day off but he’d been at home all day, mostly in his room listening to music. Not that Adam was paying attention. 

“I wanna wear a suit!” Wyatt screamed, his face turning red. 

Adam sighed. “Tomorrow is the holiday pageant and we’re picking out an outfit.” 

Ronan nodded, sliding into the room and kneeling in front of the boy. “I think your dad picked out some really cool shirts. What if we got you a tie to go with it? Then you’d look like dad.” 

The option prevented a full on tantrum, at least as the boy considered it. His small brows furrowed as he thought. For a second, Adam was overcome by how much he looked like his mother. 

Before he could get lost in the memory, Wyatt spoke, looking at them. “I wanna go to the store with both of you.” He declared.

Adam jumped in, shaking his head. “Buddy no, it’s Ronan’s day off, remember? You and I can go though, and we’ll get a cookie after.” He wasn’t about to take away Ronan’s only day off. He tried hard to keep the boundaries up, especially after that night with Henry- even if Ronan lived here, he still deserved to have his own life.

Wyatt sucked in a big breath, getting ready to scream again, but Ronan spoke first. “I’ll come.” He said, looking at Wyatt then Adam. 

“No, you don’t-” Adam was shaking his head, ready to refuse, but Ronan spoke again. 

“I said I’ll come, Parrish.” He looked at Adam, his eyes honest. “Besides, you need me, you have terrible taste.” He added with a smirk that made Adam’s heart beat a little too fast. 

“Fine. Thank you.” He hoped he wasn’t red as he turned to Wyatt, who was already happily squirming at their feet. “Can you tell Ronan thank you?”

“Thank you!” The boy replied, giving him a toothy grin. 

“Go get your shoes on, we’ll leave in a minute.” Adam told him. Wyatt took off running, leaving them alone. Adam turned to Ronan, ready to tease him for giving into Wyatt’s demands. He’d been trying to take Ronan’s advice to heart, not caving into Wyatt so much. It was easier now, with the boy happy and cared for by another adult. It eased Adam’s guilt. 

“I thought that that was exactly what good adults didn’t do.” He said, gesturing to the hall. “Let the kids run the show.” 

“Maybe I really wanted to go shopping for a kid’s tie.” Ronan replied, his trademark smirk appearing. The one that made it so much harder for Adam to pretend they were only nanny and parent. Ronan took a step in and added, “Plus the promise of a cookie afterwards? I’m there.” 

Adam smiled in return, trying to focus on the fact that his son was downstairs waiting for them and not that Ronan was close enough for him to pull in and kiss that self-assured smirk off his face. Ronan was openly watching Adam, waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t, Ronan asked, a little softer, “Do you want me to come? Was this a dad/kid thing?”

He shook his head, finding Ronan’s sudden insecurity sweet. “I always want you to come. We both do.” It was too much, too close to that truth that he wouldn’t admit, and Adam saw how Ronan’s eyes widened at it. He quickly backed up. “Then Wyatt has someone to carry him while I actually shop.”

Like that, things were back to normal as Ronan laughed, nodding. “Better go then, don’t want to keep him waiting.” 

They piled into Adam’s car. It wasn’t often the three drove together and it was weird to have Ronan sitting next to him, talking to Wyatt so he could focus on the road. For a few minutes, he saw what it would be like to have two parents, someone else there to share responsibilities with. 

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Ronan asked Wyatt, even though he knew the answer. The two of them had been practicing the songs for weeks. Wyatt had them down pat and Adam had heard Ronan humming them as he cooked. Even Adam had them memorized, simply from hearing the two of them so often. 

“Yes! I’m going to be in the middle of the stage!” Wyatt said, beaming at Ronan. 

Adam shook his head, thinking about how different his son was from him sometimes. He never wanted the attention on him, preferring to blend into the background, but Wyatt loved it. He was a natural performer and wanted all eyes on him. Adam felt a small swell of pride from that, that he hadn’t passed his desire to hide onto his son. 

“Then we need to find the perfect tie.” Ronan said as Adam pulled into the parking lot. Automatically, both adults took Wyatt’s hands as they crossed the lot, both used to travelling alone with him. 

“Swing me!” Wyatt demanded once they were inside. Ronan raised an eyebrow to Adam and he nodded. They counted to three and swung Wyatt, the boy laughing as he flew.

“Again!” 

They continued this as they walked to the store. Adam knew how they must look to outsiders. Like a couple, a family. He wondered if Ronan minded. If he did, he didn’t show it. He was listening intently to Wyatt babble about the other kids in the class and who he was standing next to for the concert. Adam may have been unsure about how good Ronan would be with kids af first but now he had no doubts. Next to Blue, Adam trusted Ronan the most, knowing that while he may not always understand Ronan’s methods, he knew they came from a good place. 

“Okay, let’s pick out a tie.” Adam said as they neared the kids racks. Wyatt ran off, examining all of the options. Adam bit his tongue from telling Wyatt to look for the ones with a red tag, the ones on sale. They could afford this. He knew that. But old habits died hard. Wyatt was excited, he kept holding up ties for the two of them. Adam was willing to get him whatever he wanted, not really caring, but Ronan vetoed a couple.

“Wyatt, you don’t want the neon flamingo tie.” Ronan told him, shaking his head.

“But it matches dad’s!” Wyatt screamed back.

Ronan turned to him, eyes already teasing but Adam headed him off. “It was gift from Blue. I’ve only worn it once.” 

“That’s once too many.” Ronan replied, shaking his head. 

“Help me try it on!” Wyatt asked, running back to them and holding up three ties. Ronan knelt first, clipping the tie around Wyatt’s neck as he ran to the mirror.

“He’s adorable.” A sales clerk said, appearing at their side. “How old?” 

“Three.” Adam answered as the boy ran back, holding out another one for Ronan. 

“Well you folks make a fine family.” She said, “I love seeing well adjusted kids.”

Adam prickled at the tone, a hand falling protectively to Wyatt’s shoulder. He wasn’t going to say anything but Ronan was rising, looking her straight in the eye. 

“Well adjusted?” He asked, his tone cold. 

She stammered. “I mean, with his unusual home life. He seems so happy.”

“There’s nothing unusual about his life.” Ronan practically growled. Adam had forgotten how scary the other man could be when he tried. He was glowering over the woman, daring her to continue. 

“I didn’t mean- I -” She coughed, stepping back. “I should go check our inventory.”

“You do that.” Ronan told her, shooting daggers into her back as she left.

Adam looked at him, eyes wide. “What the hell!” He hissed, glancing around to see if anyone else had heard.

“Daddy! Don’t swear!” Wyatt tugged on his sleeve and Adam bent down, helping him with the third tie.

“She was a rude old bat.” Ronan replied with a shrug. “She insulted you.”

He said it so matter of factly, like it was obvious that Ronan had to rise to his protect his honor. Adam had never had someone stand up for him- besides Blue but she was far louder and more dramatic. Ronan hadn’t done it for a show, he’d done it for Adam and Wyatt. That was something different entirely and Adam wasn’t sure how to handle it. 

“She insulted you too.” He mumbled, rising again.

“But I’m used to it.” Ronan grinned at him. He didn’t want to admit the power that smile had over him but, as his frustration melted away, he couldn’t deny that it held some. 

“Thank you then. I guess.” Adam finally said, unsure if this was really something he should thank someone for. Ronan looked pleased as Wyatt rushed back over, holding the second tie up. 

“Dad! I want this one.” He said, thrusting it into Adam’s hands. 

“Then we’ll get this one.” Adam replied, grateful to be leaving the store. They made their way to the check out, momentarily held up by the large toy display. Wyatt had asked Santa for roughly twenty different toys and gadgets and Adam was resisting the urge to buy them all. He wanted his son to have a good Christmas, it would be the first one he really remembered and was excited for. It was funny how easy big purchases felt, ones that he knew Wyatt would see under the tree and squeal with excitement over, but that he still felt trepidation over buying a tie. Some habits were easier to overcome than others. In the end, they made it out of the store with only the tie, Adam reminding Wyatt that Santa was coming soon. 

“Cookie?” Wyatt asked as they left, swinging the small bag and looking up at him hopefully. 

Adam nodded. “Any kind you want.”  
The boy took off running as soon as the shop was in view, pressing his hands to the glass and peering in. “Do you want one?” Adam asked Ronan as they approached. 

“Are you bribing me too?” 

He shrugged. “You already came with, not much of a bribe.” 

“Got the milk without buying the cow.” Ronan said, sauntering over and lifting Wyatt so he could see the other options.

“I don’t think that's what the expression is for.” Adam mumbled as he joined them. Soon, all three had cookies. Wyatt had picked some frosted monstrosity and already had the bright pink frosting in his hair. Ronan had chosen a double chocolate chip and Adam-

“Oatmeal raisin. I should have known.” Ronan said, shaking his head at Adam’s choice.

“They’re good! Plus it’s the only type I don’t have to share.” He said, pointing at Wyatt, who was already eyeing up Ronan’s cookie, his own dissolved into crumbs in his lap and hair. Ronan glanced over and gave Wyatt a chunk of his, which the boy happily devoured.

Adam shook his head, again wondering who was real softie was here. They stayed at the mall for a bit, wandering into stores that Wyatt thought looked fun, until Adam saw him hiding a yawn. 

“Let’s get you home and into a bath.” He said, picking the boy up. Wyatt immediately slumped against Adam, tired from all the excitement. Adam would miss it when he was too big for this, when he stopped loving to be held. 

“What time does the recital start tomorrow?” Ronan asked as they started walking. 

“Four, I took a half day so you don’t need to worry about getting him there.” It had been on Adam’s calendar since Wyatt had come home with the hand out. 

“I’m going.” Ronan replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Why?” Adam asked, surprised. It was his kid and he barely wanted to go. 

“We’ve been working on these songs for weeks, I’m going to see the product of my hard work.” He ruffled Wyatt’s hair a little, the boy swatting at him. 

Adam smiled at this, rubbing Wyatt’s back. “Well, okay. Want to drive together?”

“So fucking domestic, Parrish.” Ronan said but he nodded, making happiness curl in Adam. 

The next day got off to a rocky start. Wyatt wanted to wear his recital clothes all day and threw a loud yelling fit when Adam refused. Finally, they compromised on him wearing the tie, which left both of them mildly unhappy and Adam late. 

Then, despite that he was supposed to leave at one, he ended up working until three because his boss decided that he needed a witness statement today instead of tomorrow, when he’d originally asked for it. 

Adam got home, rumpled and hungry because he’d had to skip lunch, and was met with a screaming Wyatt who was sure that Adam wasn’t coming.

“Look, he’s home now.” He heard Ronan say as he opened the door. “We’ll go as soon as dad changes.”

Wyatt ran to look at him, already in his suit and tie. Ronan had even done his hair, his curls were less wild than normal. 

“Dad! We need to go!” Wyatt pleaded with him, crocodile tears still in his eyes. “We can’t be late!” He grabbed Adam’s hand, trying to pull him back out the door. 

“Okay, I know, I know.” Adam rubbed his eyes, glancing at the time. There was no way he could eat before they left. “Let me change.”

“Dad!”

“Five minutes buddy.” He said, slipping out of his son’s grasp and upstairs. By the time he came back down, Ronan had both of them ready. 

“Here,” He said, pressing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and coffee into Adam’s hands. “You look like you need this.”

“You’re a saint.” Adam said, resisting the urge to shovel the food in.

“Hardly.” Ronan’s voice had an edge that Adam rarely heard. “I’m driving so you can eat.”

Adam couldn’t argue. He followed them out, letting Ronan buckle Wyatt in and slumping into the front seat. They put on a show on Wyatt’s portable DVD player to keep him happy and started the drive.

“You were supposed to be back hours ago.” Ronan commented as he backed out. His tone was curt, emotional curdling in his words. 

“I tried.” He replied, trying to get the crumbs off his shirt. 

“Wyatt made lunch for you. He was excited.” Ronan didn’t look at him but Adam turned his head, staring at Ronan as they took a sharp turn. Adam tried not to yell at him for all the sudden stops and starts. He seemed to regard stop signs as optional.

“I said I  _ tried _ .” He repeated, frowning. “Sometimes things happen. I’m a lawyer Ronan, I can’t just pick up and leave.”

“Even for your son.” 

Adam opened and closed his mouth, working through what to say. He felt anger bubbling in his chest but tried to contain it. He didn’t want to yell in front of his son. “I’m here, aren’t I? I made it.”

“Barely.” Ronan’s hands gripped the steering wheel, taking a sharp turn. 

“He seems fine with it.” Adam said, gesturing to the backseat. “So why aren’t you?”

Ronan didn’t look at him. Adam knew it wasn’t just because he was driving. The other man was clearly pissed. He was hunched forward, body tense. Adam hated it. “I just think you could try a little harder. For him.”

Adam’s jaw clenched. The last thing he needed was judgement on his parenting style, especially from Ronan. “Try harder? Everything I do is for him. All of the sleepless nights, the early mornings, they’re so he has a better life. It’s all for him.” 

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

Ronan’s flip tone and short reply infuriated him. He turned to Ronan, careful to keep his voice even so Wyatt wouldn’t notice the fight. “Who do you think you are? You don’t know me or him. You haven’t even been here for six months.” He didn’t know everything that Adam had done, what he’d given up, for Wyatt. 

“And yet I've been around long enough to notice things.” 

As Ronan said this, he took another sharp turn and this time Adam couldn’t hold back his comment. “Slow the fuck down! My son is in the back! Is this how you drive with him?” 

“Dad!” Wyatt chided, the spell of the screen broken.

“Sorry kiddo.” Adam said then he turned to glare at Ronan. His heart was pounding from the stress of holding this in. He took a breath, removing his anger and replacing it with cool frustration. “I don’t know why I need to remind you of this but you are my nanny. You’re here to help me with him. Not to pass judgement on my life. Understood?” 

Ronan pulled into a parking spot and glared at Adam for a solid five seconds before nodding. “Understood, Mr. Parrish.”

Adam’s mouth dropped. Ronan had never called him that. Before he could say anything, Ronan was getting out of the car and helping Wyatt. He had to hurry after them, his mind whirling with other things that he wanted to say. No way was he letting Ronan have the last word. 

“You can’t just leave.” He hissed as they opened the doors.

“I was done talking.” Ronan replied as he took off Wyatt’s coat. 

Adam glared at him, seething with Ronan’s dismissal of him. He wanted to tell Ronan to leave, that he wasn’t welcome, but that wasn’t fair to Wyatt. He closed his eyes, taking another deep breath and reminded himself that this night was about his son. Nothing else. 

Opening his eyes, he turned away from the man, bending to talk to Wyatt. 

“Should we get punch then find your place?” He asked. Wyatt’s head bobbed as his hand slipped into Adam’s. Soon Adam was meeting Wyatt’s friends while Ronan stood in the corner, glowering at everyone. Adam thought about going over and telling him to stop glaring but what was the point? That was Ronan. He tried to ignore it and focus on his son. 

Eventually Wyatt’s teacher came and lead the kids away, leaving him to find a seat. Of course, the only empty one was next to Ronan, who was slouching, arms crossed as he glared at the stage. 

“Surprised you’re still here.” Adam said, sitting as far away from Ronan as he could. 

“It’s for Wyatt, not you.” Ronan replied, not looking at him. “That’s why I’m here right? As his nanny.” 

He drew a sharp breath, ready to retort, but then the lights lowered and he was left to stew on his own. As the first group came on, he crossed his arms, silently fuming. Ronan had no right to say those things. Adam had made it, a little late but he was there. It wasn’t his fault that his boss made him stay. 

That refrain repeated in his mind as he watched the kids stumble through their first and second songs. The terrible singing did nothing to improve his mood.

The second group wasn't any better and his mood worsened. Ronan was on his phone, not even bothering to try and hide it. Adam wanted to chide him for it but knew he wouldn’t. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself. Instead he huffed and hoped the man would take the hint. He didn’t, of course. Ronan didn’t care about social conventions or what he was supposed to do. 

A few times Adam caught Ronan looking at him, looking like he wanted to say something, but he never did, instead whipping his head forward if he noticed Adam looking. He may have been wrong but he thought he felt some regret the look.

Or maybe Adam was reading himself. It was the first time he’d fought with Ronan and he didn’t like it. It felt uncomfortable, like fighting with Blue. Adam didn’t like conflict, if the fight hadn’t been about his son he probably wouldn’t have even argued back but he wasn’t going to listen to someone bad mouth his parenting style. Especially not someone wearing a black tank top and leather coat to a Christmas pageant. Ronan was being unreasonable anyway, ignoring everything Adam did for his son because he’d missed a lunch. He crossed his arms, focusing on the kids in front of him and their strange song. 

Finally it was Wyatt’s class. Ronan still didn’t put down his phone and Adam was about to yell at him until he saw that Ronan was filming, the camera zoomed in on Wyatt. Some of Adam’s anger disappeared. Ronan did care about Wyatt, Adam knew that. He did a lot for Adam’s son, more than what was required from a nanny. 

For the first time, Adam tried to consider Ronan’s words without getting angry at them. He knew how many times he’d missed a dinner that he swore he’d get to or how many movie nights he’d answered emails during. He’d missed last years recital because he was taking a call. He had always justified it by saying that it was for something better in the long run but now he forced himself to admit that Ronan had a point. Adam was missing the now for the later. And that wasn’t fair to Wyatt. 

He looked at his son, far overdressed and singing the loudest. Wyatt’s eyes were scanning the crowd and he waved eagerly as he saw Ronan and Adam. Both of them waved back and when Wyatt’s eyes turned back to his teacher, he glanced at Ronan. He knew that the other man would never apologize. He was still pissed that Ronan had chosen that time to bring it up but he was willing to try to be there more. He’d wished the fight had never happened but now that the words were out, he knew he couldn’t take them back. Normally Adam would ignore it, let the fire peter out and wait until things went back to normal but he couldn’t do that here. They lived together, there wasn’t any avoiding this. 

He vowed to talk to Ronan tonight. 

The rest of the concert went well, Wyatt remembered all of his lines, even whispering them to his classmates, which made Adam chuckle. 

After the concert, Adam took them out for pizza. He and Ronan barely spoke but it wasn’t obvious over Wyatt’s chatter. The boy talked to them throughout dinner, thrilled to have the attention of two adults.

By the time they got home, it was time for Wyatt to go to bed. Adam put him down and found Ronan in the kitchen making a snack.

“I’ll be out in a second.” Ronan muttered, his shoulders hunched over the cutting board. “That pizza just fucking sucked.” 

Adam glanced at the plate he was making, seeing a fancy cheese plate full of things he didn’t even know were in his kitchen. He tried to list all the cheeses on it but couldn’t, there were at least three he’d never seen. 

He was stalling, he knew it. He hated this part but he had to say something.

“I’m sorry.” He spat the words out. Ronan stopped slicing an apple in order to stare at him. “What you said earlier. You had- valid points and you aren’t just our nanny.” 

Ronan was still watching him but Adam had run out of things to say. He had only thought that far. 

The two stared at each other for a solid minute before Ronan lifted his knife, an apple slice on the end. “Want a piece?”

The anger and tension drained out of the room and like that Adam knew the fight was over. 

“Sure.” He took the slice, eating it slowly. Ronan was right, the pizza had been awful but it was Wyatt’s favorite place. 

Ronan finished slicing his apple then looked at the plate. “I made too much. Do you want some?”

He nodded, reaching over to take several slices of cheese, only to get his hand slapped. “Are you a fucking animal?” Ronan asked, Adam could tell by his eyes that he was teasing. 

“What did you want me to do?”

“I think I’m bored enough to check out some of that trash TV you enjoy.”

Ronan picked up his plate and left the kitchen before Adam could answer. He stood there for a minute, smiling to himself. 

“Do you want a beer?” Adam called.

“Get me two, I’ll need them for your shitty show.” 

He shook his head, grabbing three beers and going to the couch, sitting on the opposite side of Ronan. “We can watch something else you know.” He offered, taking a slice of cheese and a cracker. 

“No, I don’t want to interrupt the routine.” 

Adam smiled again, flipping on the TV. They watched quietly for a minute, eating Ronan’s snack and sipping the beer.

“Wyatt’s hair look good.” Adam commented during a commercial break. 

“My younger brother has curly hair. I’ve had some experience with it.”

Adam glanced at him. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“Two. Only one counts. Do you have siblings?” 

Adam shook his head. “My parents didn’t like each other enough for that.” 

Ronan’s head turned to him and Adam tensed, ready for the bullshit sympathy that people always offered. 

“Well fuck them.” Ronan said. Both leaned in, their hands brushing on the plate. Adam’s first impulse was to pull back but then Ronan took his hand, flipping it palm up and building a little sandwich in his hand. 

“Try that.” He said, releasing Adam and grabbing some for himself.

Adam bit into the snack, letting the flavors mix in his mouth. It was good, several flavors and textures blending together. “What’s the cheese?” He asked through a full mouth. 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, are you Wyatt?” Ronan chided but his eyes danced as he said it. “It’s habanero cheddar.”

Adam moved closer, wanting easier access to the plate. Ronan had moved in too, their knees knocked as both leaned in. Neither moved back. It made his heart race. Even with the fight they had, both let it go and now things were fine, back to normal. Maybe even better. Everything was so easy with Ronan, easier than it had been with people he’d dated. 

But also completely off limits. He couldn’t let himself forget that. At the end of the day, he was Ronan’s employer. Sexual harassment cases ran through his head as he even considered touching him. 

With that reminder, he pulled his leg back, ending the contact. Their fight may be over but the reminder that Adam needed to do better for Wyatt was still on his mind. This set up, having Ronan around, was good for his son and he didn’t want to ruin it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CDTH is slowly killing me... have some domestic fluff


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan for Christmas Eve was to make cookies for Santa (and themselves) and then attend Blue and Gansey’s annual Christmas party. The first part was relying heavily on Ronan. Usually, they bought pre-made dough and cut off the slices but Ronan had been downright offended when Adam had told him that, saying that he refused to make Santa or Adam suffer like that. 
> 
> That morning when Adam appeared downstairs- after sleeping in on a weekday for the first day in years- Ronan and Wyatt had already begun. He stopped to watch them work. The scene was utterly adorable and tugged at Adam’s heart strings in a way he could have never anticipated. Ronan was leaning over Wyatt, who was on his stool, carefully pressing cookie cutters into the rolled out dough. 

Before Adam knew it, it was the week of Christmas. Wyatt was beside himself with excitement- more than once, Adam had caught him trying to peek under the wrapping paper to see his presents. Adam couldn’t fault him, there were a lot of gifts there, some from friends but most were from him. He knew he shouldn’t spoil his son but it was the first Christmas that the boy would really remember and Adam wanted it to be perfect. 

He’d taken Christmas Eve off, to the great annoyance of his boss who tried to guilt trip him into coming in but Adam refused, promising that he would still get all of his work done. He was trying hard to keep his promise to himself and Wyatt that he would be around more, even if his boss hated it. 

The plan for Christmas Eve was to make cookies for Santa (and themselves) and then attend Blue and Gansey’s annual Christmas party. The first part was relying heavily on Ronan. Usually, they bought pre-made dough and cut off the slices but Ronan had been downright offended when Adam had told him that, saying that he refused to make Santa or Adam suffer like that. 

That morning when Adam appeared downstairs- after sleeping in on a weekday for the first day in years- Ronan and Wyatt had already begun. He stopped to watch them work. The scene was utterly adorable and tugged at Adam’s heart strings in a way he could have never anticipated. Ronan was leaning over Wyatt, who was on his stool, carefully pressing cookie cutters into the rolled out dough. 

“Now we wanna keep them as close as we can.” Ronan explained, helping Wyatt lift the cutter. 

“But we can still eat the scraps?” Wyatt asked, looking up at him. He was covered in flour and eggs. The sight made Adam smile. Wyatt had grown to love cooking and baking more than Adam could have ever expected. He hung on every word Ronan said, nodding along enthusiastically whenever Ronan gave him directions. It was amazing. 

“After breakfast.”

Two heads snapped to look at Adam when he took a picture. “Really, Parrish?” Ronan asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You’re both so cute in your aprons.” He said unapologetically. A few weeks ago, the three of them had gone to a cooking store and Wyatt had insisted that they all get matching aprons. Ronan and Wyatt had theirs on now, a reminder of how domestic the whole scene was. 

“Get yours on and help us.” Ronan said, stepping away from Wyatt and letting Adam move in.

“Daddy! You can use the bell.” Wyatt said, handing him a cookie cutter. “You’re supposed to keep them close together.” He explained before turning back to the dough. 

“Thanks buddy.” Adam took Ronan’s spot, helping Wyatt with the rest of the dough. Soon, they had trays and trays of cookies and Wyatt was having the time of his life adding sprinkles to some of the cookies. Adam wasn’t sure that pink was a traditional Christmas color but Wyatt loved it, the messier the better.

“Okay, we need to save some to frost.” Adam said, picking Wyatt up so the boy could wash his hands. “We’ll decorate the others once they’ve cooled, until then how about some breakfast?”

“Cocoa Puffs!” Wyatt agreed, running to retrieve his favorite cereal.

“Are you still leaving around five?” Adam asked as he started to try and find the correct lids for all the sprinkles. Ronan was spending Christmas with his brothers. Adam wasn’t 100% sure how Ronan felt about that but given that Ronan had said he’d be back by the 26th, he was guessing it ranged in the low end of excited. 

“I’m going tomorrow.” Ronan said, opening the oven to check on the cookies. “Declan is with his girlfriend tonight and Matthew is with friends so no one is there. I’ll leave tomorrow morning.”

Adam tried to listen for disappointment or hurt when he said it but didn’t hear any. Then again, Ronan was better at controlling his tone than most. 

“Do you want to come with us?” The words left Adam’s mouth before he could fully consider them. Ronan looked just as shocked as him. “Sorry I mean- of course you don’t. It’s a stuffy party full of people you don’t know. Of course you don’t want to -”

“No date tonight, Parrish?” 

Adam scoffed. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been on a date. Before Ronan, he hadn’t had time and since Ronan, well, he spent his free time thinking about his surly looking nanny and if his hands were as talented at other things as they were at cooking. 

“No date. That wasn’t why I was asking though.” Adam hurried to add. He turned to Ronan, officially giving up on finding the lids and instead ready to apologize for even asking Ronan. 

But the other man spoke first. 

“I’ll go.” 

Adam raised an eyebrow, looking at Ronan, who was gathering the dishes.“Really? Why?” 

Ronan shrugged, putting an armful into the sink. “I don’t have anything else to do. Plus, there’s free liquor, right?” 

“I guess?” He didn’t understand why the hell Ronan would want to spend Christmas Eve with a bunch of people in suits. “You can’t set the place on fire or anything.”

Ronan barked a laugh. “That hadn’t even occurred to me.” He turned to look at Adam. “Maybe I just want to come with you, Parrish.” 

“But-” 

“Dad! I can’t reach the milk!” Wyatt called, breaking Adam out of his haze of confusion. He looked at Ronan for another second, waiting for the _ ‘gotcha!’ _ but none came. Instead, Ronan seemed completely unphased by their conversation while Adam felt like he’d woken up in a strange alternate universe. 

The morning ran smoothly, Wyatt loved having both of their attentions and together, they frosted nearly three dozen cookies (with only a few ‘casualties’ that Wyatt ate before either of the adults could stop him). Adam couldn’t help but think about how easy the whole thing was. It felt so natural to do all of this with Ronan, both of them moving in to help Wyatt as needed and teasing each other in between. 

“I think Wyatt is better at this than you.” Ronan commented, watching Adam frost one of the last cookies.

“Hey! Not all of us went to school for this.” He said, looking down at his cookie. It looked like someone had stepped on it. “My hand is a little unsteady, that’s all.”

“Let me help you.” Ronan said as he moved in behind Adam, his hand covering Adam’s. Ronan’s chest was pressed to his back and Adam fought back a blush at the contact. “Two hands are steadier than one.”

“Sure.” He managed to say, focusing on the cookie and not how Ronan’s hand covered his. “That- makes sense.” 

It took Ronan another second to realize Adam’s discomfort. “Shit. Sorry-” Ronan said, starting to draw back. 

“No!” Adam said, a bit too loudly. Ronan stopped moving. “You don’t need to move. I don’t want my cookies to look worse than Wyatt’s.” Adam continued, taking a shaky breath. 

“I can’t guarantee that.” Ronan laughed, his breath hitting Adam’s ear. Adam suppressed a shudder. This was the first contact that Ronan had initiated and he’d moved in like it was nothing. Adam agonized over every touch, every time he got close to Ronan but here was the other man, easily pressed against him. 

“You just need to go slower.” Ronan said, starting to move their hands. His hand was warm over Adam’s, he could feel the roughness of it, reminding him of his own hands before he started using lotion daily. 

“See? It’s not so hard.” Ronan said as he moved back. Adam instantly missed the body heat. 

“We make a good team.” Adam agreed, looking down at the cookie. With Ronan’s help, it had turned out well. But he cared more about Ronan, wanting to know if the other man was as affected as him. Ronan was looking at him but if the last minute had been a beautiful agony for him too, he hid it well. 

“We do.” Ronan agreed, his dark eyes watching him. 

“I’m done!” Wyatt declared, tossing down his frosting bag and licking his hands. 

“They look great.” Adam said, reminding himself that Wyatt was his focus. Nothing else. The boy beamed up at him. If he was messy before, he was a disaster now. He had frosting and sprinkles in his hair and a smear of food coloring under his eyes.

“I think you need a bath. Then we can play with cars. Can you go pick out some bath toys and I’ll be up in a minute?”

“Okay! I want my duck!” Wyatt said, jumping off the stool and throwing his apron on the floor.

“Don’t-” Adam started but the boy was already gone, off like a shot up the stairs. “Leave that there.” He finished, bending down to pick up the apron.

“Listens well, doesn’t he?” Ronan asked, smirking at him. 

Adam shrugged. “When he hears bath, he’s gone.” He looked at the cookies, realizing he hadn’t eaten one yet. Another throwback to his childhood, decorating cookies with his mom, but they were never allowed to eat them, not until his dad came home and had taken the first few. He always got to eat them first, Adam and his mom would wait until he told them it was okay for them to have one and even then Adam would only get one or two before he was told not to be greedy.

One year, Adam had snuck one, thinking that there was no way that his dad would know but of course he did. Adam couldn’t sit for a week after. His hands curled on the counter as he remembered it, again promising himself to never do that to his son. 

“You look way too sad for Christmas Eve.” Ronan commented, selecting one of his carefully decorated cookies. Ronan had by far frosted the fewest cookies but the one he’d done were works of art, beautiful swirls and tiny well dressed gingerbread men.

“Here.” Ronan held it up, indicating that Adam should try it.

He shook his head. “I can’t. They’re for tonight.”

“No one will miss this one.” Ronan raised it closer to Adam’s mouth. “Plus you have to test them before we share them with other people. That’s just good baking.”

Adam smiled then leaned in, biting off the gingerbread man’s head. “Savage, Parrish.” Ronan muttered, watching him as he chewed.

The flavor exploded in his mouth. Warm cinnamon and spicy ginger coated his tongue, alone with the sweetness of the cookie and icing. “That’s really good.” He said, knowing that Ronan was waiting for his reply. 

“Good.” Ronan ate the middle, nodding as he chewed. “It’s damn good.” He agreed, handing Adam the rest of the cookie. He ate it quickly, enjoying the rest as much as the initial bite. 

“Thanks for baking with Wyatt. He really loves it.” Adam said, feeling the familiar pang of guilt for not doing this with his son before. Adam always convinced himself that these activities were too hard, too much work but they really weren’t, not for the joy Wyatt got from it. 

“He loves seeing you. The activity is second.” 

Adam knew he was right. Annoyingly, he often was. Adam went upstairs and spent the afternoon playing with Wyatt, until nap time. Then before Adam knew it, all of them were putting on their ties and heading out to the party. Ronan was more dressed up than Adam had expected. He was wearing a maroon sweater that brought out his eyes and dark wash jeans. Adam had to remind himself not to stare at the other man as they walked up the sidewalk. 

“Wyatt, don’t lick your hands.” Adam reminded him as he knocked on the heavy wooden door.

“They’re drryyyy.” He complained, holding them up for Adam to see. The cracks in Wyatt’s hands were familiar, exactly like the ones Adam had suffered through for years. Normally, he kept lotion in the car but he’d forgotten this time. 

“Blue will have lotion.” Adam promised, trying to shove his guilt down. 

“Blue has everything!” The woman in question answered, pulling open the door with a flourish. She looked at Wyatt’s hands. “Come on baby, let's get you lotion and then to the kid’s room. Leave these stuffy guys behind.” 

The boy nodded solemnly, letting Blue take him by the hand. 

“You two get drinks! Adam, you know where to go!” She called over her shoulder. 

Adam stepped in, shrugging off his coat. He turned to offer to take Ronan’s and realized the other man was staring at the room. “It’s a lot.” Adam said. They were only in the entryway but it was impressive, high arched ceilings and a long hallway with too many doors to count.

“I didn’t know your friend was a Kennedy.” Ronan said. 

“He might as well be. Here, give me your coat. Then we’ll get a drink, everything is more manageable with a drink.” There were already other people at the party, milling around and talking. Adam usually tried to avoid most of them. All their conversations were about who to back for the next Senate race or about their latest ski trip. It was strange, Adam longed to be part of their world but as soon as he had the chance to be in it, he wanted to turn tail and run.

Ronan gave Adam his coat and followed him to the dining room, where two tables stretched along the wall, heavy with food and drinks. He added their cookies to the pile. They looked incredibly homemade next to everything else but Adam didn’t care, he was proud of them.

“Cider?” He asked, pointing to the crystal bowl. 

“Do they have anything harder?” Ronan looked a little overwhelmed and Adam was worried he was starting to regret coming. 

“I know where Gansey keeps the scotch.” Adam replied, leading him to the kitchen. It was only a set up area for the night so it was a mess, full of dirty dishes and discarded containers. Adam felt more at home as he reached up to a cupboard and pulled down a bottle. Ronan produced two glasses and watched as Adam poured them each a hearty glassful.

“Cheers.” Ronan said, drinking it all in one go.

Adam stared at him. “That was nearly fifty dollars worth of scotch.” 

Ronan shrugged. “It was good.” He poured himself more and turned to Adam. “Now I can face all those people.”

He smiled. He was glad Ronan was there, even if Ronan seemed unsure. Talking to all those people didn’t seem nearly as insurmountable with Ronan by his side. 

“Well then, let’s go mingle.” He said, sipping his drink. Ronan grinned at him and the pair headed back out, ready to greet the masses. 

There were two things that Adam hadn’t considered when he’d invited Ronan. One was that no one there knew that Ronan was his nanny. He spent much of the night telling people that no, this wasn’t his boyfriend or fiance or brother depending on the person they were speaking to. Everyone seemed to think it was odd that’d he’d bring his nanny and Adam couldn’t argue with them. Ronan seemed more than happy to let him flounder on his own so eventually, he started telling people that Ronan was feral with nowhere else to go. Ronan seemed to enjoy that, even if no one else did. 

The second thing was that they were effectively alone. No one there cared what he and Ronan did, if Adam looked for too long or laughed too loudly as Ronan complained about the food. No one even gave them a second glance when Adam fed Ronan a bite of some cheesy delicious appetizer or when Ronan’s thumb swiped the side of Adam’s mouth, leaving his heart pounding. 

When they watched TV, there was always a chance that Wyatt would wake up and need water or a hug. That thought alone always kept Adam on his side of the couch. But tonight, Adam knew that Wyatt wouldn’t come out of the kid’s room until Adam made him. Last year Wyatt had fallen asleep, curled up in a corner, from all the excitement. He loved the event, Blue always hired entertainers for the kids, there was cake and punch and movies. It was kid heaven. 

All that meant that Wyatt wasn’t a factor for the night. The only thing stopping Adam was, well, Adam, and he was quickly learning that that wasn’t enough of a roadblock. 

He had no idea what they were doing. Ronan was acting differently. He seemed to always be one step closer to Adam than normal, still not touching him but enough that Adam could have reached out and stroked his face at any given moment. Adam watched him down several more drinks, seeming unaffected by the alcohol. He had no idea how. Adam was on his third drink and he had a pleasant buzz going, not enough to be drunk but enough that he wasn’t worried about how his hand landed on Ronan’s shoulder or how he was telling stories that he normally wouldn’t. 

Now, several hours in, they were leaning in a corner and talking. Adam was against the wall and Ronan was standing near him, blocking him off from the other party goers. Both were using the hum of the party as an excuse to lean in and watch the other’s lips. 

“You were a mechanic?” Ronan asked incredulously. “Mr. Fancy Ass Lawyer got his hands dirty?”

“Hey, these hands,” Adam raised his drink-free hand, noticing how Ronan’s eyes caught on his hand, watching his fingers like they were a Broadway play. The attention was intoxicating and he had to pause before he finished. “Can do an oil change in under fifteen minutes.”

Ronan’s hand darted out, grabbing Adam’s and bringing it closer to his face, pretending to inspect it. The scrutiny made Adam flush.

“I don’t believe it.” Ronan told him, his voice low and fingers still wrapped around Adam’s. 

“I’ll prove it. Let me change your oil.”

“Adam! Not in front of my guests!” Blue cried, appearing next to him and slinging an arm around him. She grinned at both of them and Adam didn’t even want to know what she was thinking. 

“Adam is telling me some lies about how he used to fix cars.”

“He did!” Blue confirmed. “You had three jobs, didn’t you?”

Adam nodded, smugly sipping his drink. “I told you.” 

Ronan didn’t seem to mind being wrong in the least. He shrugged. “I guess you did.” 

Adam was trying not to look at Blue. He was sure that she was watching them carefully and giving him a look. Sure enough, when he glanced at her, she was smirking knowingly. 

“Ronan, how do you like living with Adam?” She asked, sipping her drink. Adam pushed down the desire to tell her to lay off. It seemed like an innocent enough question, though he doubted that it was.

Amazingly, Ronan seemed to realize the same thing. His eyes narrowed as he took a long drink. “It’s fine. Better than living in a dorm, worse than when I was in Paris.”

“Paris!” Blue lit up. “I didn’t know you lived in Paris.” 

Adam hadn’t either. As Ronan explained that he lived there for a year, studying under some high class chef, Adam realized just how much he didn’t know about Ronan. The man was a closed book. He could truly have a boyfriend that he saw only on his days off -or even a husband. The thought curdled Adam’s stomach. He still wasn’t sure if Ronan felt the same as him. Sometimes it seemed so obvious, like when Ronan laughed at his terrible jokes or how he always seemed to have a plate of food with Adam’s favorites ready for them when they watched TV. 

Other times though, Ronan was still impossible to read. Adam still could only guess at his moods and motives most of the time, unless it was with Wyatt. With his son, Ronan seemed to open up, he became direct and clear. With everything else though, Ronan seemed to revel in being mysterious and confusing. 

“I need to go be a proper hostess. Ronan, you should take Adam to the dance floor. He loves dancing, even if he’ll never admit it.” Blue said with a smile before whisking away. 

Ronan turned to him, eyebrow raised. “I don’t.” Adam mumbled, abruptly ready to leave. Everything seemed too loud, too boisterous, and he didn’t want to be there. 

“What if I do?” Ronan asked, moving closer so he didn’t have to talk louder. 

“You? Want to dance?” He asked. His second shock of the day. 

Ronan nodded, wetting his bottom lip. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“No one would believe me.” Adam replied. “The dance floor is this way.” He led Ronan to the small room where a few people were dancing. As if by fate, the music changed to a slow song as they got to the floor. Without hesitating, Ronan slipped his hands around Adam’s neck, letting Adam put his hands on Ronan’s waist. They weren’t even that close but it was the nearest they’d been, Adam’s hands fit perfectly on Ronan and Ronan’s hands were warm against his skin. His heart was racing as they started to slowly move to the music. 

“Is this the type of dancing you like?” Adam asked quietly, trying not to stare into Ronan’s eyes.

Ronan grinned wickedly. “I prefer mosh pits.” Then he looked at Adam in a way that made heat pool in his stomach. “But this is good too.” 

Adam didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing, letting Ronan move them across the dance floor. When the song ended, both moved apart, still watching each other. He watched as Ronan glanced up, Adam’s eyes following his. 

“We’re under mistletoe.” Ronan muttered, still looking at the green plant that was hovering above them, mocking them. “It’s bad luck not to kiss.” 

“Where did you hear that?” Adam asked quietly. There was a strange spell they were under. It felt like whatever happened here didn’t count, it was so outside their normal lives. 

“Everyone knows that, Parrish.” Ronan still wasn’t looking at him but Adam knew he was paying attention to everything about Adam, just like how he was watching Ronan. Rather than replying, Adam stepped forward until they were both under the plant.

“I can’t really afford bad luck.” Adam mumbled. “I’m a single parent, I have to share my luck with Wyatt.” 

The mention of his son should have stopped Adam, made him rethink this but Ronan’s eyes finally fell, catching on Adam’s, and for the first time in a long time, Wyatt wasn’t on Adam’s mind. Instead, he was only thinking of Ronan’s dark eyes and full lips. 

“Then we’d better kiss.” 

Both were leaning in and Adam felt a shock as their lips touched. It was brief, barely a brushing of their mouths, but it managed to leave Adam breathless.

Then just as quickly, the regret hit him, the realization of what he’d done. He’d fucked up everything for a two second kiss.

“I need to get Wyatt.” Adam said, squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn’t look at Ronan, didn't want to read the other man’s face. 

Adam tried to read Ronan’s tone as he said, “I’ll meet you at the car.” but couldn’t. He had no idea what Ronan was thinking so he nodded, slipping away as quickly as he could. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “About last night-” 
> 
> Ronan gave a firm head shake. “We don’t need to talk about it.” 

The next day Adam confronted an uncomfortable reality. He couldn’t avoid Ronan. Normally when it came to conflict, he preferred to disengage, try to remove himself from the situation- especially if there was any chance of him getting angry. He hated the loss of control when he got angry and he would do anything he could to prevent it. 

He wasn’t in danger of getting mad at Ronan but he still wished they could keep away from each other, at least for a few days. But that wasn’t an option, they lived in the same house, Ronan cared for his son. Adam had decided to shit where he ate and now he was going to pay the price for it.

The ride home had been uncomfortable. Wyatt had been asleep in the backseat and the two of them hadn’t said a word to each other. If Adam was brave, he would have said something then but he wasn’t. Adam Parrish was many things- stubborn, driven, intelligent- but he wasn’t brave. He knew that. The whole ride home, all he could think about was how Ronan’s lips had felt on his, how it had been everything he had hoped for but he couldn’t form the words to say anything to Ronan, much less anything that resembled how he really felt. 

When they got back to the house, Ronan had disappeared into his room without so much as a ‘goodbye’. Adam tried not to be hurt. It was his fault after all. 

The next morning, he was woken up when a small, screeching object hurled itself onto his chest. 

“Dad! Daddy wake up! Santa came! There’s presents downstairs! Lots of them!!” 

Rubbing his eyes, he turned to look at his clock. Just shy of 4am. He stifled a groan. 

“Okay, okay, let me get up.” He said, pulling himself out of bed. Next to him, Wyatt was practically vibrating with excitement, telling Adam about all the gifts that had magically appeared under the tree.

He let Wyatt tug him downstairs, collapsing on the couch as Wyatt attacked his gifts. 

“Don’t open ones that don’t have your name.” Adam reminded him. Not that there were many. There was one for Ronan and something small for Blue and Gansey. Then he focused on not falling asleep while Wyatt picked one to open first. 

“Dad! Look!” Wyatt had opened Ronan’s gift. It was obvious because it had been wrapped using a paper bag instead of wrapping paper. He leaned in to see what it was. A set of age appropriate cookware and a kid’s cookbook. It was thoughtful and perfect. Wyatt was already flipping through the cookbook, delighted. 

“Do you think Ronan will make this with me today?” Wyatt asked, pointing to a recipe for french toast. 

“He’s going to be with his family today.” Adam said, pulling his son onto his lap as he continued looking through the book. “But maybe when he gets back.”

“You mean for dinner?” Wyatt asked, his eyes growing wide at the prospect of breakfast for dinner. “Can we do that?”

Adam chuckled, about to answer when someone else did first. “Only if your dad says that it’s okay.” He turned, seeing Ronan bundled up in a thick coat and carrying a bag full of gifts. His traitorous heart started pounding, just seeing him there. Adam was sure that Ronan had woken up early to try and avoid seeing him. Too bad he underestimated a child’s excitement over Santa.

“Dad?!” Wyatt asked, turning to him with big puppy dog eyes. 

“Probably. We’ll see how many cookies you eat today.” He pressed a kiss to Wyatt’s hair. “Can you open your kitchen set while Dad and Ronan talk?”

The boy nodded, sliding off Adam’s lap and heading back to his present. Adam grabbed the one he had gotten for Ronan, feeling eyes on him as he did.

“Can we talk?” Adam asked, shifting the large box to his hip. 

Ronan just shrugged so he went to the kitchen, out of Wyatt’s ear shot. Ronan followed, keeping his distance. It stung. Adam hadn’t even realized that he was used to Ronan being close to him until he wasn’t. 

They regarded each other for a second until Adam forced himself to address the elephant in the room. 

“About last night-” 

Ronan gave a firm head shake. “We don’t need to talk about it.” 

He swallowed. He desperately wanted to take the out that Ronan was offering. It would be so much easier, to just pretend it didn’t happen. But it wasn’t the right thing to do. He couldn’t act like they didn’t kiss. He didn’t want to, though that was a different issue. 

He shook his head, too. “I don’t want things to be weird.” He waited to see if Ronan wanted to speak but he didn’t so Adam continued. “Last night- I shouldn’t have done that. It was unprofessional. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. Ever. And I, I don’t want Wyatt to see us and think that we’re fighting or upset.” Adam stammered through his speech, feeling Ronan’s intense gaze on him.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. And that you knew it didn’t mean anything. It was just- a party, with mistletoe. It was a mistake.” Adam couldn't let Ronan know how he felt. It would ruin everything. He was sure of it. 

He risked glancing at Ronan. The other man was tense, his shoulders raised and fists clenched. Adam wanted to put a hand out, tell him to relax, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t his place.

Ronan was silent for a second then he repeated, slowly, “It didn’t mean anything.”

Adam nodded, grateful that Ronan understood. “Right! So, anyway- we’re okay?” He asked, silently praying that he hadn’t fucked everything up. 

“Yea, Parrish. We were always okay.” Ronan shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal but something still gnawed at Adam, telling him that there was more to this story. 

Before he could say anything else, Ronan was pushing an envelope into his hands. “Merry Christmas.”

He stared down at it for a solid few seconds before realizing that Ronan intended for him to open it. “I- thank you. This is for you.” He said, indicating the large gift next to him. “Sorry it’s in Paw Patrol paper, I don’t wrap many gifts that aren’t for Wyatt.” Ronan shrugged. 

Both men opened their gifts, Adam only half paying attention to his while he watched Ronan tear the paper. He wasn’t naturally good at giving gifts but he was proud of this one. He’d even called Blue and told her, wanting a second opinion. She’d told him it was a great idea and reminded him that he was desperately in love with his nanny. 

“Shit Parrish, this is quite the gift.” Ronan said as he exposed a side. It was a kitchen aid stand mixer. Adam had done a fair amount of research trying to decide the best cooking gift to get someone when you didn’t know shit about cooking and one of these seemed to be the consensus. He had gotten Ronan a sleek black one with all the attachments.

“I know it looks selfish, since it’ll be in my kitchen but I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

“No. Damn.” Ronan was opening the box and pulling the machine out, admiring it. Adam felt a surge of pride for how much he seemed to like it. 

“I got you this too.” Adam said, opening a drawer and handing him a sticker. “I thought you might want some color on it.” It was a raven but instead of black it was rainbow colored. A true grin broke out on Ronan’s face, making Adam feel tingly and happy. 

Ronan peeled it off, sticking it carefully to the side of his mixer. “It’s perfect.” He glanced at Adam, seeing the half torn envelope in his hands. “Finish opening yours.”

Adam did as directed, looking down as he pulled out a gift certificate. “Oh Ronan, you didn’t have to do this. I know how expensive these are and-”

“The photographer is a friend. And you always complain about not having any pictures.” He said it in a way that didn’t invite any room to argue. So Adam didn’t, instead he looked at the piece of paper in his hand. 

Ronan had gotten him a photo session with Wyatt. It was something that Adam always intended to do but never quite got around to. He felt a little overwhelmed, knowing that Ronan had been listening all those times he complained about not having time to research photographers or find one whose photos he liked.

He looked up only to find that Ronan was already watching him. Adam wanted to take back what he’d said earlier, that it didn’t mean anything. Because it wasn’t true. The kiss had meant everything to him and he wished he could do it over and over.

“Ronan-”

“I need to go.” Ronan said, crumpling the wrapping paper in his hands. “I’ve got a long drive.”

And just like that, Adam swallowed the words he’d been about to say, instead nodding. “Right. Of course. We’ll see you later tonight. Have fun with your family.” 

Ronan’s only reply was a quick nod and then he turned, leaving Adam alone in the kitchen. From the next room he heard Ronan walk over to Wyatt, wishing the boy a Merry Christmas and saying good bye. Wyatt replied with the same and then Adam heard some shuffling, assuming that Wyatt was giving him a hug. 

He gave himself a minute to pause and collect his thoughts and feelings, shoving aside the conflict he felt about Ronan and instead focusing on Wyatt. They had the whole day together and Adam refused to spend it thinking about someone else. 

After starting the coffee pot, he went back out to the living room. 

“Should we open your other gifts?” Adam asked, sitting on the floor beside his son.

“Yes!” Wyatt screamed, lunging for another gift. 

Wyatt was awake for another hour before finally giving in and falling back asleep. Adam tucked him in on the couch and then pulled out his laptop, vowing that he would only work until the boy woke up. Sleep tugged at him too but he ignored it. 

When Wyatt woke up, they made pancakes and spent the morning playing with his new toys. Adam made his annual call to his mother, both of them stiff and awkward. She didn’t ask to talk to Wyatt, not that she ever did. Adam tried to end it as quickly as he could, pretending that Wyatt needed him after five minutes. After that, they curled on the couch and watched Christmas movies. That was how Ronan found them when he got home. 

Adam lifted his head, not able to move since Wyatt was sprawled on his lap. “Hey, how was your day?”

Ronan fell into the chair across from them, shrugging. “No fights broke out, that's a win in my family. You guys?” 

Adam gestured around. “You’re looking at it.” 

“Better day than mine.” 

“You can share ours- if you want. There’s room on the couch.”

The words had barely left his mouth before he realized what a bad idea they were. Ronan visibly stiffened and Adam wished he could take it back. Ronan had already taken a step back. 

“It’s late. And I need to give Chainsaw her present. See you tomorrow.” 

Adam let his head drop back as Ronan disappeared into his room, silently berating himself. He should have known better than to say that, especially after this morning. 

“Buddy, it’s time for bed.” Adam said, gently lifting his son to bring him to his room while trying not to think about how much Ronan’s dismissal stung. 

He expected things to get easier over the next few days but Ronan remained cold. He didn’t stay up with Adam at night and seemed reluctant to be in the same room as him. Adam told himself that it didn’t matter. What mattered was if Wyatt was happy. And he was, it was obvious, the boy radiated it so Adam tried to focus on that. 

A few days later, he was heading home early from work. Everyone had taken the week between Christmas and New Years off so he had been alone in their big office. It was amazing how distracting silence was when you were used to the constant noise of an office. 

When he opened his front door, he heard heavy metal music flowing out of the kitchen. Pressing his lips into a thin line so he didn’t laugh, he peered into the kitchen. Wyatt must have been napping because Ronan was alone, singing along to the song. Adam leaned against the wall, listening.

“You’ve got a good voice.” Adam called, startling Ronan. 

“Fuck off.” He muttered, though Adam saw that the tips of his ears were red. 

“I’m serious.” He stepped into the kitchen, looking around. “What are you making?”

“Pizza.” 

He could tell that Ronan didn’t want him there. If he could, he probably would have darted back to his room. He hated that Ronan was uncomfortable around him. 

“I’ll leave you to it then.” Adam had research to do anyway.

He had turned away when he heard a tentative, “Wait.” He turned back, seeing Ronan looking like he wasn’t sure what he was saying either. “Do you want to help? I’m kneading the dough.”

Adam took a step back towards the kitchen. “Are you sure?” 

“Yea, it didn’t mean anything, right? We need to get back to normal eventually.” 

The surprise that Ronan was mentioning the kiss was overtaken by how much it hurt to have his own words parroted back at him. Still, he forced himself to nod, grabbing his apron and walking over to the counter.

“What do I do?” 

“Watch.” Ronan took a circle of the dough and pressed his palms into it, pushing the dough out and then pulling it over itself. As Adam watched, Ronan sped up, his hands becoming a blur. 

“You try.” He said, plopping another ball of dough in front of Adam.

He looked down at the dough like it may bite him. “Sure.” He watched Ronan again, trying to mimic his actions. But his hands didn’t move like that. Instead of the action being fluid, it was halted, uncertain. Ronan’s dough looked beautiful, a perfect delicious circle. Adam’s was a sticky mess. 

He was debating giving up and eating some of the dough when he felt eyes on him. “You’re acting like the dough owes you money, Parrish. Be gentle.” He felt rather than saw Ronan behind him, his hands covering Adam’s and chest pressed to him like they'd done so many times before. 

Except that this time it was over before it started. All Adam felt was a sharp exhale on his neck and then Ronan had stepped back. 

“You’ll get it.” Ronan said, moving back to his spot. He grabbed the final ball of dough and started kneading.

Adam went back to his mess, disappointment hitting him again. He watched Ronan again then mimicked him. It still wasn’t great but it was better.

“I told Wyatt.” Adam said. His head was down so he said it mostly to the dough but he felt Ronan still beside him. Adam knew he was listening intently. “About his mom.” He had told Wyatt on Christmas. They were alone and Wyatt had asked why he didn’t have a mom like all the kids in the movies. Adam couldn’t have asked for a better opening. He’d wanted to tell Ronan immediately but they hadn’t exactly been talking for the last few days. 

“How’d he take it?” 

Adam swallowed, still staring down at the counter. “Fine. Confused. I tried to explain that he had a mom too but she decided to live somewhere else. And that I was the lucky one because I got to keep him.” His voice tightened as he spoke but he refused to let himself cry. Wyatt had asked why she wasn’t there with them and Adam had struggled to explain.

The tears stayed in until Adam felt arms around him. Ronan was giving him a hug. An honest, warm hug. It forced the tears out of his eyes and Adam felt the sob that had been brewing escape. 

Ronan didn’t acknowledge it, instead leaning in and whispering in Adam’s ear. “I know I said it before but fuck her. She doesn’t deserve you two.” 

Adam squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the other tears out. When he opened them, he turned to Ronan, shocked how close they were. “You know what Wyatt said? He said it didn’t matter because he had us. You and me, Ronan. You’re so damn important to him.” 

“Not as important as you.” 

Adam smiled, happy that Ronan returned it. The problem was that it brought Adam’s attention to Ronan’s lips and how they were only a few inches away. As if he knew what Adam was thinking, Ronan licked his lips, leaving them shiny and even more kissable. It made his heart thump against his ribcage. 

“Ronan,” He said softly, aware of how much want and yearning was in his voice. 

Ronan’s eyes were on his lips too and the two were moving in, all of Adam’s warnings flew out of his mind as he was warm and safe in Ronan’s arms. 

“Daddy! You’re home!” 

The words broke them apart as Wyatt ran to him, launching himself into Adam’s arms. “Why are you home?” Wyatt asked, tugging on his tie. 

“I missed you.” He said, kissing Wyatt’s hair.

“Are you gonna color with me?” Adam thought about the case and the research he needed to do and mentally said ‘fuck it’. He held Wyatt up so their noses pressed together. “Yes buddy, I am.” 

“Yay!” Wyatt screamed, wiggling out of his grip. “I’ll get the crayons.”

Adam set him down, watching Wyatt run away. Then he glanced at Ronan. “Will you be okay without me?”

Ronan looked at his lump and nodded. “I think I can manage. Go spend time with your son.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adam is trying, he's kinda failing but he is trying man.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s nearly midnight.” Ronan said as the movie ended, not making any motion to get up.
> 
> He nodded, looking at the small mess they’d made. “Not the most exciting New Year's Eve.” 
> 
> “Would you rather have been out at a club, making out with some random ass person?”
> 
> Adam shook his head. “No, this was perfect- except for the lack of a kiss.” Adam hadn’t meant to say that outloud. The drinks were getting to his head. Ronan’s head turned to him, an eyebrow cocked.
> 
> “I could ask Chainsaw.” Ronan offered, his voice lower than normal. It made Adam feel like fire was running through his veins. 
> 
> “I don’t want to kiss your bird.” 
> 
> Ronan’s eyes swept over him, pausing before he asked, “Then who do you want to kiss?” 

New Year's Eve was Adam’s least favorite holiday. The hum of Christmas still hadn’t quite died down and then it popped up. A holiday that revolved around being out late at bars, drinking and dancing with strangers and then that damn midnight kiss-

He hadn’t had a New Years kiss since Melissa. She had loved to go out on New Years, loved watching the ball drop, and he had gone along with her, no matter how tired he was or how much homework he had. He’d loved seeing her light up, watching her drink champagne and wear the weird glasses with the year written on them. 

Since they’d split, he’d always stayed home, spending the evening with a nice wine and some movies. It was impossible to find a babysitter on New Years and he didn’t really want to go out anyway. This was easier. 

“Dad! Look!” Wyatt ran up to him, wearing a plastic top hat and holding a paper noise blower. As soon as Adam looked over, he blew into it, eliciting a high trill that left the boy giggling. 

“Wow, where did you get that?” He asked, pulling Wyatt onto his lap. He’d been working while Wyatt and Ronan ran to the store for supplies. Wyatt had asked to stay up tonight and Adam had agreed. He didn’t think that the boy would make it too late and he was so excited at the prospect of seeing the new year happen that Adam couldn’t say no. 

They’d been looking up New Years traditions. Most of them Wyatt didn’t care about but he was excited at the idea of a fancy meal and a carbonated drink. At first, the boy had been convinced that he wanted lobster until Adam explained that they were animals- then he’d settled for pasta with mushrooms and plenty of cheese and crackers.

“Two bottles?” Adam asked, resting Wyatt on his hip and heading over to the counter where Ronan was unloading the groceries. He saw the spread for tonight, holding Wyatt back as he tried to grab the crackers. 

“I’m not drinking that fake sparkling shit. I bought us champagne.”

“Us?” 

Ronan nodded, still putting away the groceries. “Yea, us. You and me, the adults.” 

“You’re- staying?” They hadn't talked about it, he had assumed that Ronan wanted to do something more fun than have a dance party with a toddler and be in bed by ten pm. 

“Yea, I hate New Year’s man, I’m not going out there.” He looked up at Adam. “Unless you don’t want me?” 

Adam hated questions like that. Because of course he wanted Ronan, wanted him in all sorts of ways that he couldn’t have him but he couldn’t say that, not with his son in his arms and Ronan’s dark eyes staring at him. 

“I want Ronan to stay!” Wyatt declared, wiggling in Adam’s arms. “Can he stay?” 

“Of course, yea, if he wants to.” He looked at Ronan again, double checking that he was serious. Ronan gave a firm nod then went back to the groceries as Adam tried to re-evaluate his evening, fitting the image of Ronan into it. He didn’t want to admit how much better it was. 

Wyatt insisted on taking an early nap, wanting to stay up as late as he could. As he slept, Adam pulled out his computer, groaning quietly when he saw an email from his boss. Even though it was the weekend, he wanted Adam to review a contract they were working on by the end of the day.

“Shit,” He muttered, looking it over. It had been written by a first year associate and to call it ‘awful’ was generous. It would take Adam most of the day to review- a day when he’d promised Wyatt that they would go to an indoor park. 

“I hate my job.” He muttered, pressing his palms to his eyes. 

“Did someone sue someone else?” Ronan asked, appearing at his side. 

“Something like that. My boss needs something done by the end of the day.” Adam replied. “I think I have to skip the park.” He didn’t turn to look at Ronan, assuming that a look of judgement would be there, annoyance that Adam was placing work before his son. 

“I’ll make you some coffee.”

Adam looked up, surprised. Ronan shrugged. “Sometimes bosses suck.” 

“Hey-” 

Ronan smirked. “Not you, you’re perfect.” 

Adam hated how that made his heart thump in his chest. He willed himself not to blush, shaking his head. “Liar.” 

Ronan’s smirk grew. “Whatever, Parrish.” He turned, returning a few minutes later with coffee and a scone, leaving both wordlessly by Adam’s side. Adam had no idea when Ronan had time to bake these but he decided not to question it as he bit into the flaky pastry. It was perfect, like everything Ronan made. The man could perform magic in the kitchen. 

When Wyatt woke up, he explained what happened, trying to end with the reminder that they would still have tonight together. Wyatt was disappointed but, of course, he was used to it. He and Ronan went instead and Adam tried not to listen to their laughter as they got ready. He vowed to finish before they returned, determined not to let this ruin the whole day.

When they rolled back in a few hours later, he was putting the finishing touches on the document. He sent it to his boss as they took off their coats and was done by the time Wyatt barrelled at him, telling him about the girl he made friends with. 

“Can she come over? I invited her over! She has long red hair and can do a cartwheel! Her mom liked Ronan, too! They talked the whole time!” Wyatt said, his words tumbling and running into each other as he spoke. 

“Did she?” Adam asked, arching an eyebrow at Ronan. 

“Don’t worry Parrish, I fended her off. No one ever wants to actually date Ronan Lynch.” 

“I’m sure someone would. Maybe a lonely badger or a feral alleycat.” Adam’s response took a second too long and he saw how Ronan looked at him, like he knew what Adam was thinking. _ I’d date you, if I could.  _

He ducked his head, focusing on Wyatt. “Well we will try to set up a playdate. But for now, should we make some snacks for tonight?” 

“Snacks!” Wyatt ran over to the whiteboard where they had written out the menu. He couldn’t quite read it but he pondered it like he could. “Can we make bread?” He asked, big eyes turning to look at them both. 

“We can make whatever you want!” Adam promised, scooping his son up. Then he turned to Ronan. “Can we make bread?”

Ronan chuckled. “Yea, we can.” 

They spent the afternoon making food. By the time they finished, it was time to eat dinner, with pasta made expertly by Ronan and mushrooms chopped not so expertly by Adam. He was getting better though, his pieces were nearly the same size, even if everything still took him three times as long as Ronan. He was starting to like being in the kitchen, finding it a comfortable place instead of an imposing one. 

“Can we make this every week?” Wyatt asked as he slurped up the last of his pasta, sauce decorating his face. “It’s my favorite!” 

“Cream and cheese, big surprise.” Ronan commented as Adam cleaned his face. 

“Hey, as long as he’s full.” He looked at Wyatt. “Not every week but we’ll make it again. Can you go wash your face?” The napkin had only managed to clean off some of the sauce, much of it remained. 

The boy nodded, darting away and into the bathroom as they two of them cleaned up. 

A few minutes later, music drifted in from the living room. Wyatt had turned on the stereo, putting on some of Adam’s oldies music. 

“I wanna dance now. Can we dance now?” He asked, popping his head back in. “Please?”

“Yea, we can buddy.” Adam put the dishes down, going to the living room with Wyatt. The boy was already flailing around, throwing himself into the music like only a child could. He started dancing too, moving his hips back and forth. Then he noticed Ronan hanging back, watching them and made a ‘come here’ motion with his finger. “You too, Lynch.” 

“I really only headbang.”

“I already know that’s not true.” He said, thinking back to the Christmas party. Then he flushed, realizing that it was probably the wrong thing to bring up. “You don’t have to, if you would rather do something else.” He added quickly. 

“I’ll dance.” Ronan replied, moving into the small living room with them and bobbing his head. Adam went back to dancing too, mostly watching Wyatt have the time of his life as he sang off key to the music. 

Soon, Wyatt was grabbing his hands, insisting that Adam spin him. Both of them were laughing and out of the corner of his eye he saw Ronan smiling at them. 

“Now spin Ronan!” Wyatt insisted, pointing to the other man. 

Adam extended a hand. “Do you want to be spun?” He swore he saw a light blush appear on the man’s cheeks. He expected a no but then Ronan took his hand, letting Adam pull him close. 

“Ready?” Adam asked, praying that Ronan didn’t feel how his heart was thumping against his chest.

“Always.” 

Adam spun Ronan out, carefully keeping a hold on his hand before bringing him back, wrapping him in his arms, Ronan’s back flush with his chest. 

“You’re pretty good at that,” Ronan said, craning his neck to look at Adam.

“Took lessons with Gansey, he wanted to surprise Blue. All he got out of it was a lecture about how expecting the man to lead all the time is sexist.” Adam said it quickly, trying to distract himself from how Ronan felt pressed against him. 

“Oh.” Ronan said, still staring at him. Adam stared back, thinking about how easy it would be to dip his head and press a kiss to Ronan’s parted lips. 

“My turn!” Wyatt yelled, reminding Adam that they were not alone. They jumped apart, both turning to Wyatt. 

“Okay, let’s dance!” Adam took Wyatt’s hand again, starting to dance with him until the boy yawned widely.

“Is it time for cheese and a movie?” He asked, more than happy to be done with this portion of the evening.

“And the bubbly stuff!” Wyatt declared. 

Adam started the movie while Ronan and Wyatt grabbed the cheese plate and poured drinks. 

“Mugs, huh?” Adam asked as Ronan handed him the fizzy liquid.

“You’re the animal who doesn’t own champagne flutes.” Ronan said, sitting on the other side of Wyatt. It tugged at Adam how right this felt, how domestic. Ronan tucking Wyatt into a blanket, the boy excitedly sipping his drink and laughing when the bubbles hit his nose. It was perfect, if only it was real. 

They all watched the movie, talking comfortably through it. Ronan eventually got up and brought the bottle over, filling both of their glasses again. Adam had a pleasant buzz, enjoying Wyatt’s head on his lap and his perfect view of Ronan’s profile.

“I think someone tapped out.” Ronan commented as the movie ended. He had Wyatt’s feet in his lap, the blanket stretched over them.

Adam leaned down to look at Wyatt, seeing that he was sleeping soundly. “9:45, later than I expected.” He said, checking his watch. With some shifting, he picked the boy up, carrying him to his room. He didn’t stir even as Adam tucked him in and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

He went back downstairs, expecting Ronan to have disappeared into his room. Instead, he was still on the couch, the cheese and bread had been cleared off but now there was a plate of chocolate covered strawberries and two glasses of whiskey. Adam’s stomach twisted just looking at it. It looked like a romantic date. 

“I got these for Wyatt but he didn’t make it to dessert.” Ronan explained as Adam sat. “And I had enough of that bubbly shit.”

“Sure.” Adam nodded, not trusting himself to say anything more. They turned on another movie, not really paying attention. Adam reminded himself that this was just another step to get back to normal, back to their pre-kiss lives.

But it didn’t feel that way. They were sitting closer than normal, their thighs touching as the movie played. More than once, their hands brushed. Adam had to remind himself not to stare when Ronan bit into the fruit, watching the chocolate crack under his lips. 

They finished their drinks and poured another. Adam was determined not to go past tipsy, not trusting himself. Even this level of drunkenness made things seem like a good idea, like leaning his head on Ronan’s shoulder or putting his hand on his thigh, his fingers stretching to reach Ronan’s. The other man didn’t say anything, didn’t move back or closer. It felt thrilling and forbidden. It made him want more. 

“It’s nearly midnight.” Ronan said as the movie ended, not making any motion to get up.

He nodded, looking at the small mess they’d made. “Not the most exciting New Year's Eve.” 

“Would you rather have been out at a club, making out with some random ass person?”

Adam shook his head. “No, this was perfect- except for the lack of a kiss.” Adam hadn’t meant to say that outloud. The drinks were getting to his head. Ronan’s head turned to him, an eyebrow cocked.

“I could ask Chainsaw.” Ronan offered, his voice lower than normal. It made Adam feel like fire was running through his veins. 

“I don’t want to kiss your bird.” 

Ronan’s eyes swept over him, pausing before he asked, “Then who do you want to kiss?” 

Adam licked his lips, feeling Ronan’s eyes fall to them. The alcohol pulsed in him, making him bolder than normal. 

“You.”

Ronan paused for only a second before nodding. “Okay.”

Adam didn’t let himself question it, moving in and pressing his lips to Ronan’s. Ronan was instantly kissing him back, his hand finding Adam’s hip as he pressed his fingers into it, steadying them both. 

If Adam thought their first kiss was good, it was nothing like this. That one had been tentative, slow. This one was all heat and passion, Adam’s tongue swept Ronan’s lips, asking for access that Ronan granted. Then he was pushing Ronan down, crawling on top of him and putting his hand on Ronan’s jaw to tilt his head up, refusing to break the kiss for even a second. 

Ronan seemed to feel the same, his hands moving to wind in Adam’s hair as he tugged him down. Adam moved in, letting his groin brush Ronan’s and both moaned into each other’s mouths. He could feel Ronan’s growing erection through his jeans. It was the hottest thing he’d ever felt and he wanted more. 

Acting on impulse, Adam moved a leg between Ronan’s, trying to provide some relief and to hear that sound again. He wanted to rip Ronan’s clothes off with his mouth, to finally see what that tattoo looked like without clothes in the way. Ronan’s hips jutted up as Adam’s leg moved, his grip on Adam’s hair getting tighter as they continued to make out, the credits of the movie still playing behind them. 

“Your room?” Adam asked, still feeling just bold and stupid enough to ask. Through the haze that was Ronan and his lips, Adam still remembered that he didn’t want Wyatt to hear them. Ronan growled in reply, nodding and letting Adam pull him off the couch and to his room. Once they were there, he pushed Ronan against the wall, deciding that it had been far too long since their lips had touched. They arched against each other again, Adam’s hands sliding over Ronan’s back, feeling the tense muscles. 

“Adam- Parrish- wait.” Ronan panted, twisting his head to break the kiss. 

Immediately, he took a step back, his hands flying up, sure that Ronan had come to his senses first. He could barely look at the other man, his lips red and bruised from the kisses and his eyes dark. It took everything in Adam not to jump him again. 

“You said it was a mistake before, that it didn’t mean anything.” Ronan’s words weren’t judgmental, just factual. He didn’t need to add the rest, to say that he didn’t want that again, that he wasn’t going to do this halfway. Adam knew Ronan, probably better than he should and he could see the hidden hurt there. 

Adam swallowed. He knew if he stepped back then that Ronan would let him leave, that he wouldn’t hold it against him but that they would never do this again. That was the smart move, the less complicated one but goddamnit, Adam didn’t want to step back. 

“The only mistake was not doing it again.” Adam said, bracing himself for Ronan’s reaction, whatever it was. “And I lied. It did mean something, it meant-  _ everything _ .” His eyes met Ronan’s, hoping that he too understood everything that Adam wasn’t saying. 

“Good enough for me.” Ronan said, stepping in and wrapping an arm around Adam’s waist. Adam instantly fell into Ronan’s arms, letting himself be held as they kissed. Ronan nipped at Adam’s bottom lip, opening his mouth to better press their mouths together. Both arched against the other, trying to eliminate any gaps. Then Adam was pushing Ronan onto the bed, crawling back on top of him and admiring how Ronan looked under him.

“I’ve thought about this.” He admitted, pushing a hand under Ronan’s shirt and feeling his stomach. He watched Ronan as his hands roamed, trying to guess what he wanted. Every movement of his hand seemed to thrill Ronan, his mouth hanging open as Adam explored. 

“Me too.” Ronan’s eyes fluttered as Adam pinched his nipple.

“What do you like?” He wanted to make Ronan fall apart, wanted to bring him to the brink and pull back. He’d been waiting for this for so long that it seemed impossible that it was really happening.

“You.” 

The response was so perfectly Ronan that it made Adam smile, breaking some of the intensity of the moment. 

“Well, that I can do that.” Adam slid his other hand under Ronan’s shirt, pulling it off and tossing it aside. He let his hands roam over his chest, admiring how it felt and how Ronan arched into the touch.

“Don’t take forever, Parrish.” He muttered, his dark eyes watching Adam’s every move.

“I want to enjoy it, sue me.” He did let his hand roam lower, playing with Ronan’s belt and enjoying the grunt that escaped when his fingers lightly touched the bulge. Adam slid down, nestling between Ronan’s legs as he undid the belt and buttons, freeing Ronan’s cock. He couldn’t stop himself from bending down and taking it in his mouth, letting the saltiness coat his tongue. 

“Fuck,” Ronan was gripping the bed sheets, his breathing deeper than before and Adam sunk down, wanting to take all of Ronan in. His nose hit Ronan’s stomach and he inhaled the musky smell of him. He loved this, how Ronan tasted, that smell that was purely him. It made Adam achingly hard. 

“This is going to be over before it starts if you keep doing that.” Ronan muttered as Adam lifted off, swirling his tongue around the head of Ronan’s cock. 

As much as he wanted to make Ronan cum from just that, he wasn’t ready for this to end. He pulled his lips off and immediately Ronan pulled him into another deep kiss. 

“Top or bottom?” Adam asked, running his nose along Ronan’s neck, leaving small kisses on his hot skin.

“I want you to fuck me.” Ronan said it so fiercely that he shuddered. Now his hands clawed at Adam’s clothes, stripping him down and running calloused hands over Adam’s torso and hips. Adam had never been looked at in the way Ronan was watching him, like he wanted to devour Adam, kiss and touch every part of his body. His breath hitched as Ronan’s hands found his cock, running slowly over the length. It was almost too much, Ronan under him, his cock leaking against Adam’s leg, his hands on Adam. He felt his orgasm approaching but pulled back, refusing to let it happen yet.

“Turn onto your stomach.” Adam directed. 

Ronan flipped over, letting Adam finally see the full tattoo. He couldn’t help but run his fingers over it, admiring the curling lines and beautiful picture it formed. It covered all of Ronan’s back, stopping at the dimples above his ass. Adam kissed those indents, feeling Ronan stir under him. 

“Stunning.” He said in a hushed voice.

Ronan turned his head, smirking slightly. “Are you only sleeping with me for my tattoo?”

Adam let his eyes slide down, staring at Ronan’s ass. He shook his head. “Absolutely not.” 

Ronan made a sound between a wheeze and a laugh, quickly changing to a moan as Adam gripped his ass cheek with one hand, his thumb pressing lightly against Ronan’s hole.

“Do you have lube?” He asked, rubbing his thumb against the puckered flesh.

Wordlessly, Ronan reached over to the bedside table, opening the first drawer and grabbing a condom and lube. Before it closed, Adam saw a vibrator and handcuffs. The idea of both sent a thrill through him.

Ronan handed him the lube and Adam poured some on his fingers, pressing the first one into Ronan. He hissed at the intrusion. “It’s been a while.” He muttered. 

In response, Adam bent down, kissing Ronan’s shoulder blades while he let the man adjust. After a minute, he pushed his finger in more, trying not to think about how Ronan was going to feel around him. With his free hand, he spread Ronan’s cheeks, openly staring as his finger disappeared in and out of him. 

Soon Ronan was telling him to hurry the fuck up and Adam was adding another finger, then a third. 

“I’m ready.” Ronan declared, pushing against Adam’s fingers and moaning whenever Adam brushed his prostate. 

Adam wasn’t about to argue. He removed his fingers, rolling on the condom before flipping Ronan back over. “I want to see you.” He explained, pulling Ronan’s hips to him. 

“Whatever, Parrish.” He sounded gruff but Adam saw the smile on his lips.

Taking one of Ronan’s legs, Adam pushed Ronan’s knee to his chest, exposing him. He wanted to make this last, to bend down and kiss Ronan there, but he could sense the impatience in both of them. Instead, he lined up, pushing in slowly as both moaned. Ronan swore loudly and Adam watched his expression, stopping whenever he saw pain cross his features. 

“I’m not made of glass.” Ronan told him when he was finally in. 

“Believe me, I know.” Adam muttered, trying not to cum just from this. It had been a long time and Ronan felt perfect around him, hot and tight. Slowly, he slid out and back in, enjoying how Ronan threw his head back at the sensation. Any hint of drunkenness was gone and Adam was focused solely on Ronan. 

He went slow, letting Ronan adjust and himself enjoy it until he could see Ronan getting close, his head was thrown back and he was biting his lip. Adam took his cock in hand, starting to stroke. He wanted Ronan to cum first, needed to see him.

It didn’t take long before Ronan was tensing up, crying out as he spilled over Adam’s hand, arching off the bed. It was utterly amazing to watch and Adam already wanted to see it over and over. 

He started to pull out, not wanting to hurt the oversenstivie man but Ronan wrapped his legs around Adam’s hips. “Don’t you dare.”

It was the hottest thing he could have said. Adam nodded, beginning to thrust again. Before long, he was slamming into Ronan, chasing his own thrill. Ronan pushed against him and said, “Fuck me, Parrish.”

That was all it took. Adam was cumming, gasping as he filled the condom. Once he finished, Ronan pulled him down for a bruising kiss that he eagerly returned, licking inside Ronan’s mouth while he came down from his high.

“Finally.” Ronan muttered as Adam pulled out, tying off the condom and tossing it into a garbage can. Ronan cleaned himself off with a shirt, watching him. “Now what?”

Adam didn’t know and he didn’t want to think about it. Not right now. There was no coming back from the line they’d just crossed and Adam had no idea what it would mean for them or for Wyatt. 

“We sleep.” He said, pulling on his boxers.

“Are you staying here?” It was the closest Adam had seen to a vulnerable Ronan. He looked terrified that Adam would say no. 

He nodded. “Only if I get the left side.”

“So bossy.” Ronan said, moving over and flipping on his side. Adam moved next to him, spooning Ronan and thinking about how perfectly they fit together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man you guys I wanted to put this chap out for NYE. Didn't exactly work but I hope it was worth the wait.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other dreams scared him more though. Those were ones that featured Ronan and Adam at Wyatt’s graduation, or the three of them on vacation together, Wyatt riding on Ronan’s shoulders as they played in the ocean. They seemed so real, so close he could almost touch them, and that worried him. Because if he had that and then it got taken away- that seemed like the worst possible thing.
> 
> So he didn’t think about it.

When Adam woke up the next morning, it took him a minute to remember where he was and why a bird was squawking at him. Then everything came back, where he was and what he had done. He waited for the inevitable guilt to seep in but none came. Instead, he let himself turn and look at Ronan, how his mouth was open slightly, how his arm was draped over Adam, holding him even now. Normally he would have loved this but in that moment his bladder was demanding attention. 

Slowly, he lifted Ronan’s arm off him, trying not to disturb the sleeping man. He was halfway to the door when Ronan sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“You can run away again, Parrish but that’s it.” Ronan’s voice was slightly scratchy from sleep but his tone was firm. “I’m too old for all this Cinderella shit. I thought you were one of the good ones, that the first time was a fluke but-”

Adam turned back, hands in the ‘don’t shoot’ position and trying not to smile. “I was going to go pee. And make coffee. Then I thought we could talk.”

Instantly, Ronan’s expression softened and he exhaled loudly, running a hand over his head. “Fuck, man. You should have told me.”

“I didn’t want to wake you, I thought it would be romantic to appear with coffee and your scones. I guess I forgot about my reputation.” 

Ronan shrugged and Adam hesitated, doubt creeping in. “Do you want me to come back?” Everything was suddenly so strange between them and Adam didn’t know how to proceed. He always had a clear path, a goal, but this Ronan was unmapped territory.

“Of course I do.” Ronan shook his head, getting up and pulling on a pair of sweatpants. “But I’m making the coffee, yours sucks.” 

Adam smiled, looking for his own clothes while subtly watching Ronan. It was entirely unfair that the man was as attractive clothed as he was naked. Adam wanted to reach for him, to tug him into a kiss but he knew it wasn’t the time. They needed to talk before Wyatt woke up and Adam didn’t know how long they had. 

Both padded out to the kitchen, not speaking again until they were seated at the table, coffee in hand and a plate of scones between them.

“I’ve gained ten pounds with you here.” Adam said, breaking off a corner.

“You needed it.” Ronan replied, watching him like he still expected Adam to bolt any second.

Adam crumbled the scone, delaying what he knew needed to be said. He owed Ronan an explanation. 

It took him another minute to gather the words. Finally, he spoke. “I meant what I said. The first kiss wasn’t a mistake.”

“Then why did you say it was?” There was no judgment in his words, just Ronan’s characteristic blunt curiosity.

He took a drink of his coffee, weighing his next words. He didn’t want to lie, Ronan would see through it but telling the whole truth seemed overwhelming. 

“I panicked. I didn’t see a way to not fuck this up and I didn’t want to ruin everything.”

A sharp nod. Ronan understood. “What changed?” 

“You didn’t blow it out of proportion. You didn’t overreact.” Adam struggled to find words, to explain. “You listened.” Adam didn’t know how much that had meant to him until he spoke the words out loud. He was used to being talked over or ignored, to putting what others wanted ahead of his needs. But Ronan never pushed, he respected what Adam wanted. It was a breath of fresh air. 

“Strange kink man.” Ronan said, giving him that trademark smirk that always made Adam want to kiss him.

So he did, leaning in and brushing his lips over Ronan’s. It startled them both but Ronan followed as he drew back, continuing the kiss. Adam felt himself melting into it, wanting Ronan again before Wyatt woke up.

That thought made him pull back. 

“We’re not done talking.” He said, hating himself for breaking the kiss.

“So talk. Quickly.” Ronan told him, sliding his hands under Adam’s shirt and rubbing his thumbs over Adam’s nipples. 

“You’re impossible.” He gasped, struggling to stay on task. “I don’t want Wyatt to know.” 

That made him stop. Ronan drew his hands back, suddenly stony. Adam felt terrible. “Not yet.” He added quickly, cupping Ronan’s face with his hands. “I’ve never dated anyone. Now I’m dating his nanny, who he adores. I want to know if we’ll work before I turn his world upside down.” 

“You’re not ashamed?”

Adam wished he could take back his other words, realizing how much they had hurt Ronan, how much the rejection had stung. 

“Never.” He leaned in, putting his forehead against Ronan’s. “Absolutely not. But I have to think of Wyatt. He’s priority number one. Always.” 

Against him, Ronan nodded. “I know. That’s one of the best things about you, Parrish, how dedicated you are to him.” 

Adam’s heart swelled and he dipped his head, kissing Ronan again because he could. It led to both of them moving closer, Adam practically pulling Ronan into his chair just so they could be a few inches closer. 

Then he heard a familiar padding down the stairs and the two leapt apart as Wyatt appeared, bleary eyes and his hair sticking up.

“I didn’t make it to midnight.” The boy said, pouting. 

“Next year,” Adam told him, walking over and ruffling his hair. “We can have a fancy breakfast to celebrate the new year though.” And other new things, Adam thought, his eyes wandering over to Ronan. 

He lit up. “Waffles?” 

Ronan was already bending down to grab the waffle maker and Adam had the urge to rest his hand on the man’s lower back, to touch the small sliver of skin that appeared as his shirt rode up. 

“Dad, can I have orange juice?” Wyatt asked, interrupting Adam’s thoughts.

“Of course.” 

And that was it. Over the next few weeks, few things changed. Ronan was still amazing with Wyatt, Adam still worked too much. The two of them bickered and Adam still tried (and usually failed) to be home on time. It was their lives and Adam was determined to keep things as normal for Wyatt as he could. 

The biggest change was after Wyatt went to sleep; now the two of them curled together on the couch, hands roaming and lips finding new skin. Adam couldn’t get enough of this. The sounds Ronan made, the way he arched into Adam’s hands. It was all too much and not enough. They hadn’t slept together since that first night, hadn’t done anything really, because Adam was convinced that if they started Wyatt would come downstairs and find them. He’d told Ronan and the other man had reluctantly nodded, clearly not agreeing but not disagreeing either. 

It didn’t stop the idea of it from invading Adam’s dreams though. More than once, he woke up sweaty and hard, having dreamt of Ronan under him, the two connected and moving together. Adam had come to hate those dreams, it felt like he was being punished for putting Wyatt first. 

The other dreams scared him more though. Those were ones that featured Ronan and Adam at Wyatt’s graduation, or the three of them on vacation together, Wyatt riding on Ronan’s shoulders as they played in the ocean. They seemed so real, so close he could almost touch them, and that worried him. Because if he had that and then it got taken away- that seemed like the worst possible thing.

So he didn’t think about it. He didn't bring it up or tell anyone about them. Briefly, Adam felt bad for not telling Blue about the new development but he didn’t want to until he was sure it was something real. He and Ronan hadn’t talked about their relationship since that first day and Adam was grateful. This was enough for him and he hoped that Ronan agreed. 

“Dad! I wanna invite my whole class to my birthday party!” Wyatt said one day when he was returning home from school, running to Adam and tugging eagerly on his sleeve.

Before replying, Adam checked the date on his calendar, realizing that the boy’s birthday was only two weeks away. It wasn’t that he’d forgotten, more that the date had snuck up on him. 

“We can do that.” He said, pulling Wyatt into his lap as he saved his document once more. He needed to finish transcribing the testimony tonight but it could wait for a minute. 

“Where do you want to have a party?” It was the first year that Wyatt really cared about the party. Last year it had been just Adam, Blue, and Gansey and had mostly centered around putting the kids to sleep after cake and then the adults getting drunk. 

The boy thought hard for a minute. Adam expected him to say Chuck E. Cheese or a trampoline park. He’d been dragged to many birthday parties at both of those places already, messes of kids running around and Adam trying to make halted conversation with the other parents. 

So when Wyatt’s eyes widened and he waved around the room, Adam was a little surprised. “Here!” Wyatt declared. “And I wanna have a car theme and I want a car cake and I wanna wear my red car shirt and-” 

“Okay, okay, hold on, buddy. Let me get a pen.” Adam said, putting the boy on his hip and walking to the counter. He felt Ronan watching him and looked up to see him smiling at them. He knew that Ronan enjoyed watching them interact, Wyatt as a ball of energy and cool, collected Adam. 

“Are you up for making a car cake?” He asked, trying to scribble down Wyatt’s requests as the boy kept rambling off ideas. 

“A real test of my skills.” Ronan said, walking over and standing slightly closer then he used to. Moments like this sent a silent thrill through Adam, that Ronan wanted to be near him as much as Adam wanted him to be. 

“I want it to look like my blue car!” Wyatt informed him, leaning over to look at Ronan. “Can it look like my blue car?”

Ronan flashed him a thumbs up and Wyatt squealed. The rest of the night was spent planning the party- and tampering down some of Wyatt’s expectations. He wanted a bulldozer to show up and it had taken Adam nearly an hour to explain why that wouldn’t be possible. 

By the end of the night the invitations were printed and ready (thank god for the internet) and Blue had been texted. The food list was started and Adam had found several car themed games that seemed easy enough to execute. Wyatt was thrilled and Adam was overwhelmed. 

“Twelve kids.” Adam said, landing next to Ronan on the couch. “Plus Blue’s daughter and Wyatt.” He shook his head. “What did I get myself into?”

“He’s so happy though.” Ronan told him, resting his head on Adam’s shoulder while he read the list. “The kid is a social butterfly. You should see him in class, he’s Mr. Popular.”

“Wonder where he got that from.” Adam muttered, reviewing the list again, triple checking that they hadn’t forgotten something or someone.

“You’re popular.” Ronan said, running his nose along Adam’s jaw. “Or you would be if you ever left the house.”

Adam scoffed, turning to fire off a retort but Ronan had other ideas. His lips met Adam’s and any protest died as Ronan’s tongue snaked into his mouth. Adam still wasn’t used to this, to kissing Ronan. He’d been trying to catalog all of Ronan’s kisses- the firm ones to shut him up, the playful ones to make him laugh, the deep ones that made Adam’s toes curl. 

This one started as one to shut him up but soon Adam was under Ronan on the couch, his hands under Ronan’s shirt. 

“Adam- can we-” Ronan paused as he took Adam’s earlobe in his mouth, tugging on it. “Move this to the bedroom?”

He hesitated, wanting to say yes, to give into Ronan like he desperately wanted, when he heard a small voice call out, “Daddy?” 

They exchanged a silent look as Ronan crawled off, letting Adam stand. 

“Ronan-” He started, not sure what he was going to say but wanting to say something, but Ronan shook his head. 

“I know. Go get him.” 

Adam gave him one more look before heading upstairs to comfort his son. 

He came back nearly thirty minutes later, an apology on his lips; but before he could speak Ronan pushed his phone into Adam’s hands. “Look.”

“Wyatt doesn’t like Thai food.” He said, glancing at the article. It was a review of a new restaurant near them that had opened last weekend. 

“But you do.” Ronan leaned against Adam’s shoulder, letting him read the article. 

He nodded, seeing they had several highlighted dishes and an array of fancy desserts but not understanding the point. He didn’t see anything about delivery in the article. “That’s true.”

“So let’s try it. We’ll go there. Order all the bland food you want. It’ll be fun.” 

Adam glanced at him, finally understanding what Ronan was asking. “You mean- a date?”

“People have called it that, yes.” Ronan’s eyes scanned him and Adam felt like Ronan understood his short pause far too well. 

“Where would Wyatt be?” 

“Here’s another word you may be familiar with- a babysitter. Someone you pay to stay with him. Like me but not as cool.”

Adam smirked. “You think you’re cool? That’s sweet.”

Ronan punched him lightly before grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “I am cool, Parrish. That’s why you like me.”

He chuckled, nodding. “That’s right. That’s the only reason.” He leaned in, pressing a light kiss to Ronan’s lips. He still loved doing that, how responsive Ronan was, how their heads tilted so their lips met perfectly. 

“How about Friday?” Ronan asked as they parted.

“Friday?”

“For Thai.” 

Adam shook his head. “No I- I’ll probably have to work late. And it’d be too hard to find a sitter on such short notice.”

“I’ll get a late reservation. And I’m sure Blue will watch him, she always offers. ‘ _ Adam, you need to go out an experience life! _ ’” He said in a passable Blue impersonation. 

“I- I don’t think so.”

He watched Ronan’s face fall, hating himself. He didn’t know why he was refusing. There was the concern that it was too much too soon- going out in public with Ronan felt like a huge step. They’d be on a date, officially dating and not just making out on a couch. He hadn’t dated anyone in years. Not since his ex. And that had ended so badly-

Adam couldn’t handle if things ended that way with Ronan.

Ronan didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. Adam could see the hurt and disappointment written across his face. 

“I’m going to go to bed.” Ronan said abruptly, standing up and leaving. Adam didn’t try to stop him. 

Once he heard the door shut, Adam let his head fall to his hands, silently chiding himself. What the hell was he doing? How was he messing this up before they’d even officially started dating? 

He decided not to think about it, not now. Instead, he climbed upstairs and into his bed, trying not to think about how much warmer it would be with another person in it. 

Adam didn’t have time to think about it over the next few weeks either. Planning Wyatt’s birthday party consumed most of his free time and the boy kept changing his mind about what food and decorations he wanted. Finally, Adam had to put his foot down, telling Wyatt that there were no more changes.

Things with Ronan went back to their new normal, with the two of them on the couch at night and kissing during Wyatt’s naps. Ronan didn’t bring up the date again and neither did Adam. He tried to tell himself that it was better this way, safer, but part of him felt like he was missing out on something good. 

Finally, it was the day of the party and Adam felt like he had gone insane. He was running around, trying to find the tie Wyatt wanted to wear while also putting up the last of the decorations and fielding text messages from parents who had lost the address. The guests were set to arrive any minute and all Adam kept thinking about all the things that still weren’t done. 

He must have looked frenzied because Ronan grabbed him, his hand curling around Adam’s bicep, thumb stroking over his shirt. “Parrish, breathe.” 

“But I need to find the plates and Wyatt’s tie is missing and I didn’t get the crackers he wanted and-”

“Stop.” Ronan’s hand crept up, cradling his face. “Seriously stop and take a damn breath.” He waited until Adam complied then continued. “Wyatt won’t remember what crackers you had or whatever other bullshit thing you’re worried about but he will remember if you were stressed out all day. So relax. Take a shot. Everything is planned and Wyatt will love it.” 

Adam let Ronan’s words wash over him and then he nodded. “You’re right.” He flicked his eyes up to Ronan’s, smiling. “Thank you.”

“Always happy to tell you when you’re overreacting.” Ronan replied, smirking at him. 

Adam glanced around and, when he didn’t see Wyatt, leaned in and kissed Ronan. There was something about it that calmed him down, like his lips pulled the stress out of Adam. 

Ronan’s fingers curled on Adam’s cheek, holding him close and Adam was so caught up that he missed the sound of the door opening. 

A second later he heard, “Hey Adam we’re-  _ WHOOPS _ !” 

He leapt back, seeing Blue, Rosemary and Gansey standing in the doorway. Blue looked shocked and delighted, Gansey looked embarrassed and Rosemary was squirming in Blue’s arms. 

“I-” Adam’s head whipped from them to Ronan. There was no way to deny what they’d been doing and it looked like Ronan had no plans to reply. 

Luckily, more guests came before he was forced to say anything. Ronan walked over to them, clearly recognizing them from Wyatt’s class, and Adam followed, eager to talk to anyone besides Blue. He ignored the look on her face and instead introduced himself to the new couple. Soon, more people were there and Adam moved fully into the role of host. He tried not to let himself feel bad for not knowing the parents of Wyatt’s friends. Not now. There was too much to focus on. Normally, he would hide and talk to Blue but that wasn’t an option now; so instead he threw himself into talking to new people, listening to them tell him how lucky he was to have Ronan and how amazing the house looked.

For the next hour, Adam got to watch Wyatt enjoy the party and Ronan roam, refilling plates and talking to parents. Adam was amazed how well he fit in. He made jokes with the parents and high fived the kids. 

Then, as they kids were playing with bubbles, Blue slid next to him, a glass of Ronan’s homemade punch in her hand. “So, you two are finally together. When did that happen?” 

“Not now.” He muttered, watching as Micheal- Mark? Maury?- nearly fell into the bucket of bubbles. 

“Well I assumed it wasn’t now. That kiss looked pretty practiced.” She said, nudging him with her elbow. He didn’t reply and she nudged him again. “I deserve the details. Was it the Christmas party? You two seemed awfully close then. Is my party responsible for this beautiful new couple?” 

He shook his head but knew she wouldn’t leave him alone until he responded to her satisfaction. “Let’s go inside.” He finally said. At least then they wouldn’t be overheard.

Blue followed him in, barely letting the door shut before she said, “Okay, details. Now.”

Haltingly, Adam explained what had happened. Everything from the Christmas kiss to the New Year’s hook up.

“Finally!” She said, grinning at him. “How’s Wyatt taking it? Is he thrilled? What term are you using? Partners? Boyfriends? Nearly fiances?”

“Wyatt- doesn’t know. And we don’t really have a term yet.” 

She frowned at him. “Wyatt doesn’t know?” 

Anxiety bubbled in Adam. “It's my first relationship in years, Blue! What if we break up and Ronan leaves? Wyatt would be devastated! He’s not ready for that.” Adam shook his head, “No way am I ruining a good thing.” 

Slowly, she nodded. “He’s a big boy, Adam. He’s a whole year older today. And I think-” She paused until he met her gaze. “That he’s not the one you’re actually worried about.”

Adam opened his mouth to deny it but Blue tilted her head, silently asking him to consider her words. 

He took a breath and realized she was right. He was worried about Wyatt but more than that, he was worried about himself, and what opening up and dating would mean. It was so much easier if Ronan was just a guy he kissed as opposed to his boyfriend. 

“You’re too damn smart.” Adam muttered. 

She grinned. “That’s true.” 

“I like him, Blue. A lot. I don’t want to mess anything up because things are finally better. Wyatt is happy, we aren't living off frozen pizza. Things are good.”

“That doesn’t go away if you date him.”

“But it does if we break up.” He looked at her, desperate for her to understand. “I don’t want to lose him. Not just because of how much Wyatt loves him.” 

“He’s not Melissa.” Blue said, her hand covering Adam’s. “He won’t break your heart.”

“You can’t know that.” 

She shrugged. “Not for certain but I’ve seen how he looks at you. However much you like him, he likes you back just as much. Give him a chance.” 

“I-”

Adam was interrupted by a chorus of “Birthday cake! Birthday cake!” A second later Wyatt and Ronan appeared, Wyatt riding on Ronan’s shoulders and ducking when they came through the doorway. 

“Dad! Can we do the cake now? Please please please?” The boy asked, practically falling off Ronan and into Adam’s arms. 

“Of course.” Adam said, noticing how Ronan’s eyes scanned him and Blue and how Blue grinned at him. Adam ignored the silent exchange.

“Come on, Blue, all hands on deck for handing out cake.” Ronan told her, going to the fridge and grabbing the car shaped cake. 

She wiggled her eyebrows at him. “Anything for a friend of Adam’s.”

Before she could say any more, Adam gently pushed her towards the door. “Go find your husband, Blue. I’m sure he would love to help too.”

She threw her hands up. “Okay, okay, I can see when I’m not wanted. Come on, Wyatt, let’s gather everyone.” She reached for Wyatt, taking him from Adam’s arms and leaving them alone. 

“I don’t know where the forks are.” Ronan muttered, busily looking in a drawer.

Adam walked to a drawer, grabbing an unopened container of forks, shaking them towards Ronan. “I’ve got it.” 

Ronan looked at him, opening his mouth to say something but Adam shook his head. “After the party. I promise.” 

Ronan looked skeptical. “I’m holding you to that, Parrish.” 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I didn't quite make my goal of updating in March but given everything I think that's ok 
> 
> The plan is for the next chap to be the last one- exciting! Time to make these two talk through some things


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in a long time, Adam let himself want. It was selfish and felt amazing. Adam wanted Ronan to stay and he wasn’t going to apologize for it. 

By the time the party wrapped up, Wyatt was exhausted. The boy fell asleep in Adam’s arms as they said goodbye to the last of the guests. While Adam knew it would mess up his sleep schedule he couldn’t bring himself to wake him up, especially when this would make it easier to talk to Ronan. 

“That was fun, huh buddy?” He asked the sleeping boy as they went upstairs. Of course, Wyatt’s only response was a small snore but Adam knew he had had fun. It was a good reminder for Adam to let Wyatt invite friends over, to make play dates. He had always avoided them, the thought of having more kids in his house seemed stressful, but seeing how happy it made his son, he knew he needed to try. 

After he tucked the boy in, Adam went to the kitchen, where Ronan had already started to clean up. As he entered, Ronan glanced at him but didn’t say anything, continuing to shove plates and napkins into the already bulging bag. 

“Everyone loved the cake.” Adam said, moving behind Ronan and wrapping his arms around the other man, resting his cheek on Ronan’s back. 

For just a second, he felt Ronan tense. This type of behavior was out of character for Adam but he felt the need to be close to Ronan, especially given what he was about to say. 

“Everyone always loves my cake.” Ronan replied. 

Adam chuckled, pressing a kiss to the base of Ronan’s neck. “Can you please turn around so we can talk?” He asked as gently as he could. He tried not to demand anything but he wanted to look at Ronan as they spoke, needed Ronan to know how hard he was trying. His stomach tensed at the idea of how badly this conversation could go but vowed not to back down. The theme of the day seemed to be ‘things Adam hated but were probably good for him in the long run’. 

Ronan turned, leaning against the counter and watching him. 

“I’m sorry.” Adam said. “I think that’s the first thing I need to say.” 

Ronan crossed his arms. Not a gesture of defiance but more to close himself off, to protect himself from whatever was coming. It was a sentiment Adam knew well. 

“For?” 

“Wanting to hide us, for not telling anyone. It wasn’t fair to you.” 

Ronan nodded, visibly relaxing. It made the knot in Adam’s stomach loosen, just a little. Knowing that Ronan wasn’t upset helped make this conversation much easier. 

“I don’t need a fucking ticker tape parade or anything, Parrish.” Ronan said as he reached for Adam’s hand, playing with his fingers. “But I’m not some secret boy toy either.”

“I know.” He looked at their hands, admiring how well they fit together. In that moment, their hands meant something bigger to him, some monumental thing that spoke about how good they were together, how opposites attracted and how much Adam wanted this to work. He wanted Ronan in his life for a long time. 

At that thought, a volt of fear ran through him, a little voice whispering that if he let Ronan in, the other man would eventually get tired of him and leave and that he and Wyatt would be alone again. 

But Adam refused to let the whisper win. He pushed the thought down. Ronan wasn’t Melissa. He wasn’t going to hurt him or Wyatt. 

“I’m not ashamed of you.” Adam continued, realizing that his pause had been slightly too long. “It’s the opposite. I - I really like you. I don’t want to lose you.” He couldn’t bring himself to say love, not yet, but his feelings weren’t too far off from it. 

Ronan smiled at him, pulling Adam in and kissing his forehead. “I really like you too.” 

“I’m not very good at this, at dating.” Adam continued, refusing to let himself get lost in Ronan. There was too much he still needed to say. “That’s why I don’t usually bother. I suck at communication and at thinking about other people. For a long time it’s been Wyatt first and everyone else was a distant second because it was easier.”

“You’re not nearly as bad at it as you think.” Ronan said, a hand rubbing the back of Adam’s neck. 

Adam gave him a wiry smile. “Thanks. What really scares me is that Wyatt likes you. A lot. And if I fuck this up then- we both lose you. And I don’t know if that’s fair to him.”

Ronan nodded. “I should have known your real fear was for him.” Ronan’s hand came around, tipping Adam’s chin up so they were looking each other in the eyes. Adam wanted to look down, to not meet Ronan’s eyes but he needed to get used to this, to Ronan’s honesty and meeting him halfway.

“Parrish, I don’t know how this ends but I like you, and you like me. Maybe we owe it to each other to try dating before we worry about breaking up? I like Wyatt too. I promise not to let you fuck it up for him.” 

Adam chuckled, nodding. “That was far too logical for you.”

Ronan grinned. “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me.” 

“Good because your music taste is awful.” 

“Hey!” Ronan rubbed Adam’s head, pulling him back in. “Don’t insult my music, that shit is below the belt.”

He laughed, tucking his head under Ronan’s chin. “Someone had to tell you, Lynch.” He looked up, seeing that Ronan was shaking his head but smiling. Adam couldn’t resist kissing that smile. He arched up, meeting Ronan’s lips in a soft kiss. 

They kissed for a while, Adam losing himself in Ronan’s lips. The conversation was only the first step but it had gone far better than he expected and Adam wanted to celebrate. He wanted Ronan, here and now. 

But before long, he heard shuffling above them. Adam stepped back, pointing at Ronan. “Don’t leave.” 

“Where the fuck would I go?” He asked, giving Adam that insufferable grin he was growing to love. 

“Shut up.” Adam said, kissing him once more before going upstairs and grabbing his son. He went back to the kitchen, holding Wyatt on his hip and looking at Ronan.

“Wyatt, I need to tell you something.” He said, looking from Ronan to Wyatt. 

“Parrish, you don’t-”

Adam shook his head. He wanted to. This wasn't just a gesture to Ronan, it was for him too. He wanted Wyatt to know, wanted Wyatt to see him being happy, him trusting someone else. 

“Can I have juice?” Wyatt asked, completely unaware of the silent conversation the adults were having. 

“In a minute.” He said, putting Wyatt on the counter and walking to Ronan. He grabbed Ronan’s hand, squeezing it. “Wyatt, baby, Ronan and I are dating. Like Blue and Gansey used to, do you remember talking about that?” 

The boy’s eyes got comically wide as they darted between him and Ronan. “Are you going to get married? Can I be in the wedding? Can I pick the cake? I want strawberry cake. I like strawberries.”

Adam laughed, relief flowing through him. He didn’t know why he was so worried about telling Wyatt. The boy wouldn’t care. 

“We’re not getting married.” He had to stop himself from adding  _ ‘yet’ _ . “But we might hold hands or kiss on the cheek. Is that okay? Do you have any questions?”

The boy scrunched up his face then asked, “Can I have my juice now?”

“Of course birthday boy.” Ronan had already moved and was handing Wyatt a cup of juice before standing next to Adam again. Ignoring the still concerned part of himself, Adam put an arm around Ronan’s hips. As Wyatt chattered on about his party and gifts, Adam pressed a kiss to Ronan’s cheek, enjoying the smile he got in return. 

Four days later, Adam was trying desperately to find Wyatt’s favorite toy car so he could pack it before he and Ronan got home. He found it as he heard the door open, the pair of them booming in. Ronan had been teaching Wyatt some Irish folk songs and he could hear the two of them singing one. 

“Don’t take your shoes off!” Adam called, appearing in the entryway with an overnight bag. “Buddy, you’re staying at Blue’s tonight.” 

“A sleepover?” Wyatt asked, his mouth dropping open with delight. “But it’s a school night!”

“Well, we are all taking tomorrow off. Tomorrow morning we’ll pick you up from Blue’s and have a fun day together.”

Adam glanced at Ronan, who looked as shocked as Wyatt. “You took the day off?” 

He nodded, feeling his own excitement grow. It hadn’t been easy to pull it off on short notice but Adam had been determined. “I did.”

“No emails? No calls?”

He nodded again. “No interruptions.” 

Ronan exhaled, his eyes growing slightly darker. Adam wanted to walk over and kiss him senseless but not in front of his son. Soon, though. 

“You should change. We have plans too.” Adam added, hoisting Wyatt’s backpack over his shoulder. 

Ronan smirked at him. “Not just our own sleepover?” Adam shook his head, almost wishing that that was the only plan. “Can I ask what?”

“No, you can not.” Adam said, kissing Ronan’s cheek before taking Wyatt’s hand. They were both getting used to casual affection. Wyatt still didn’t seem to care that they were together. He had asked Adam a few questions- mostly about wedding cake- but otherwise seemed wholly unconcerned about the development. 

The drive to Blue’s felt like it took forever, especially when all Adam could think about was getting back to Ronan. He’d called her a few days ago, telling her everything, especially about the conversation they’d had after the party. She was thrilled and gave him an immediate, ‘I told you so’. Adam let her, especially since he needed a favor. After moderate teasing, she agreed to watch Wyatt and let Adam ‘get his date on’. 

After dropping Wyatt off, he sped home, going faster than he normally would. When he got back, he flung open the door, calling for Ronan.

The man emerged from his room, wearing dark wash jeans and a blue button up. “Fuck.” Adam exhaled, openly staring at Ronan. “You clean up well.”

Ronan walked over, looking proud of himself. “Yea? I figured you wouldn’t want my regular tank top and ripped jeans.”

“Yea but you’re making me regret the plans I made.” Adam ran his hands over Ronan’s chest, already thinking about sliding the shirt off his broad shoulders. 

“I’ve always thought that plans were made to be broken.” Ronan said, moving in and kissing Adam’s neck gently. He melted into it, craning his neck as Ronan pressed more kisses there. 

“Not these plans.” Adam said, regretfully pulling back. “Trust me.” 

“I always do.” 

He took Ronan’s hand, pulling him back to the car and pausing to kiss him once more before sliding into the driver’s seat. 

It wasn’t a far drive, which Adam was grateful for. He had a million things running through his mind that he wanted to talk to Ronan about but none of them seemed proper for the car. If Ronan noticed his nervousness, he didn’t say anything about it, instead telling Adam about Wyatt’s latest art project at school. 

“Thai, huh?” Ronan asked as they pulled into a parking spot.

“A little birdy told me it was good.” 

“Chainsaw has always been a gossip.” Ronan got out, walking to Adam’s side and waiting for him. Adam slid their hands together again, loving the weight of Ronan’s in his. 

Inside, Adam asked for a table far away from other people. If this was going to be his first date with Ronan, he didn’t want other people ruining it. He was surprised how nervous he was. So much seemed to be riding on this, even though he already knew how Ronan felt about him.

“So you took tomorrow off.” Ronan said once they had ordered drinks and appetizers. “Does that mean you’ll be working all weekend?”

Adam wet his lips, somehow unsurprised that Ronan had already found one of the topics he cared about. “Maybe, but not how you think.” Ronan cocked an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. “I need to schedule informational interviews for other firms. Places that actually know what work life balance means.”

“You’re thinking of quitting?” 

He nodded. Adam had been thinking about it for a while now, since it was obvious that things at his firm wouldn’t be changing anytime soon. 

“I’m sick of missing dinner and never being able to pick Wyatt up. The older he gets the more I want to be there for the little moments.”  _ And I want to be with you _ , Adam added silently, hoping Ronan knew that. “And then maybe I won’t need a new nanny for too long.” 

Ronan didn’t look as surprised as he had expected. “Sick of me already, Parrish?”

“Ronan, you can’t work for me if we’re- together.” Adam had been turning this over, even had a nightmare about them breaking up and Ronan suing him for sexual assault. “I don’t want to be your boss.”

“What do you want to be?” The question hung in the air. Ronan had tried to ask it casually but Adam knew it was anything but. It had weight, a body and Adam wanted to give it due diligence. 

“Your boyfriend?” He asked. The waiter chose that moment to stop over, dropping off beers and steaming dumplings. Once she left, Ronan expertly picked one up with his chopsticks, considering it for a minute. Sweat gathered on the back of Adam’s neck. He was worried he’d asked too much, gone too far.

“So I’m fired?” Ronan asked. 

“I wouldn’t put it like that.” 

“I know you wouldn’t.” Ronan said, dipping the dumpling in the sauce and raising it to Adam’s lips. He parted them, letting Ronan feed him. 

“Are you- upset?” Adam asked as he chewed.

“I’d much rather have you as my boyfriend than my boss.” Ronan told him, a ghost of a smile creeping to his lips. “Besides, I already found a new job. I figured I’d need one after the birthday party, regardless of what happened next.”

“What? Where?” Adam’s stomach lurched at the thought of losing Ronan, even though he’d been the one to bring it up.

“A bakery. They needed someone who could bake more than just chocolate chip cookies. They promised to let me be creative about menu items. I’ll still be around to pick Wyatt up from school and drop him off, if you want.”

“Are you moving out?” Everything was happening fast. Adam was thrilled for Ronan’s new job but also terrified of losing him. 

“I assumed you’d want me to.” Ronan looked up at Adam and Adam saw the same concern echoed in Ronan’s eyes. The fear of putting yourself out there, of wanting something too much. 

Adam reached over the table, taking Ronan’s hand in his again. “I don’t. I can’t imagine not having you there on weekends or watching movies with you at night. I want you to stay.” It was admitting a lot but the way Ronan’s face lit up told Adam that it was the right thing to say. For the first time in a long time, Adam let himself want. It was selfish and felt amazing. Adam wanted Ronan to stay and he wasn’t going to apologize for it. 

“I’m not sure where we’ll put the new nanny, unless you’re open to a roommate.” Adam added, trying to think through logistics.

“Don’t hire one. I’ll watch Wyatt until you get a new gig.” 

Adam shook his head. “I can’t ask you to do that. I already told you I don’t want you to be my nanny anymore.”

“I wouldn’t be doing it as your nanny.” Ronan replied, kissing Adam’s fingertips. “I’d be doing it as your boyfriend.” Hearing Ronan say it made Adam’s stomach do flips. “Besides I like Wyatt, it’s barely even work.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Adam was asking about everything- if Ronan was really okay still living there, if he was okay watching Wyatt, if he was sure he wanted this.

“Parrish, it’s all I ever wanted.” Ronan said it so simply that there was no room for Adam to do anything except nod and agree. 

The rest of the dinner went well. The food was good but more importantly the company was flawless. Ronan made him laugh, it had been a long time since Adam was so comfortable with someone. 

“I’m still making dessert.” Ronan said as he flung open the front door. “They had bullshit dessert options.” 

Adam smiled, leaning against the doorframe and watching his slightly intoxicated boyfriend start to gather ingredients. They’d stayed for hours, talking about everything- the future, Ronan’s new job, where Adam was interviewing, everything. It was the best date Adam had ever been on. Now, they were back home and Ronan was determined to make them a cake to celebrate.

“Don’t be a creep,” Ronan said, not bothering to look up from creaming the butter. “Come help me.” 

As he slid next to Ronan, Adam thought about all the other times they’d done this, when he’d only been able to dream about being with the other man. He’d been so sure this would never work that he had almost ruined it. 

“Taste this.” Ronan told him, holding up a spoon with a dark batter. “I think it needs more cocoa.”

“I have a better idea.” He said, taking Ronan’s hand and dipping a finger into the batter. Then Adam brought it to his mouth, swirling his tongue around Ronan’s fingers. He was rewarded as Ronan’s eyes grew darker, fixed on Adam’s mouth. 

“How is it?” 

“Come find out.” Adam said. Ronan grinned and wasted no time claiming Adam’s mouth, his tongue delving in and moving against Adam’s. Adam pushed him against the counter, pressing their hips together and grinding against Ronan. Ronan moaned softly into Adam’s mouth and Adam swore it was the hottest thing he’d ever heard. He could feel Ronan growing hard against him and his hand snaked down, cupping Ronan through his jeans.

“I want to blow you.” Adam said, breaking the kiss to look at Ronan. “Is that okay?”

“Is it- Fuck Parrish, I’ve dreamt of that.” 

Adam smiled, kissing him once more before dropping to his knees. “Of course you have.” He ran his hands over Ronan’s thighs. “Where were we in your dream? Was it in the kitchen, next to your precious stand mixer?” As he asked, he popped the button on Ronan’s jeans, pulling them down so they pooled at his ankles. 

“Maybe.” Ronan gasped as Adam’s hand moved over him, palming him through his black boxers.

“That’s a yes.” Adam decided, pulling the boxers down and staring at Ronan’s erection. He couldn’t stop himself from running his fingers over it, teasing Ronan. “Did I fuck you in here too? Press you against the counter and push into you?”

“What the hell has gotten into you?” Ronan asked, looking down at him.

Adam couldn’t explain it. Something about going on a date, a real date, with his boyfriend, them talking about how they wanted the same things, everything had strung together perfectly and it made Adam want to let Ronan know exactly how much he cared. 

This seemed like the best way. Adam met Ronan’s eyes, sliding his lips over the head of Ronan’s cock and watching his full body shudder. As he slid his mouth down, he continued to watch, trying to gauge if Ronan liked it. It had been a long time since he’d done this but Ronan didn’t seem to have any complaints. The man had a death grip on the edge of the counter, his eyes closed and mouth open as Adam drew back, starting to slowly bob his head. Then, he started running his hands over Ronan’s thighs then his balls, cupping them gently and drawing another low moan from the man. 

“Parrish-shit. That feels amazing.”

Adam could feel him tensing and started to move his head faster, taking in as much of Ronan as he could. He grabbed one of Ronan’s hands and wove it in his hair, trying to tell Ronan he could take some of the control. He did, his hips began moving, short jerky movements that matched his breath. 

“I’m gonna-” He gave Adam enough warning to move if he wanted. Adam didn’t. Instead, he dove in, his nose pressing against Ronan’s skin as the man jerked then came, his hand tightening in Adam’s hair. 

Adam waited one, two beats then pulled off. Immediately, Ronan pulled him up and into a deep kiss. “That was- shit.” 

“Good?” Adam asked as Ronan’s head fell to his shoulder. 

“Yea. I want to return the favor.” He said, his hand snaking down Adam’s hip and to his own bulge. Adam keened into him, nodding.

“Let’s go upstairs.” He said, kissing Ronan’s neck. “This floor isn’t exactly the best.”

Ronan nodded and they moved up to Adam’s bedroom, finishing the rest of round one. After, Ronan made them a small cake that they ate in bed, using the homemade whipped cream to spark round two. Adam didn’t think he’d ever get over how it felt to have his fingers in Ronan’s mouth, making his stomach twist with pure want. 

Eventually they fell asleep, Ronan curled against Adam’s back. The next morning, Adam woke up first and found that Ronan was splayed on his stomach, his tattoo on full display. Tracing it with his fingers, Adam decided that this was his favorite part of the date, waking up next to Ronan, being able to kiss him whenever he wanted. This was what Adam wanted for the rest of his life. 

He still had some fears, some apprehension that he would need to work through but last night had proved that he could talk to Ronan about it, that they could work through things together. Adam had no idea what the future held but he knew he wanted to explore it with Ronan by his side and that was all that mattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for everyone's love and support of this fic! I thought they deserved a lovely happy ending so i hope you liked it!
> 
> (also I already miss these boys. I may need to write a sequel and throw in some of the drama/ideas that didn't make it into this fic)

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr at tinyarmedtrex!


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